Kamyla's POV
I stare at the weathered grave for a little bit and finally muster up the courage to avert my eyes. It was too much. All over again.
I visualize the day. I want to scream but I don't. I stay calm. I want to cry but I don't. I have to stay strong, like a dandelion.
"C'mon Sammi, lets go." Grabbing her hand and pulling her away from the grave I look back and blow a mental kiss. "I miss you," I whisper to myself, then I send a prayer up to heaven. "If your up there mom, please send us something to help us through another day. Please." I look back at Sammi who is desperately fighting to get out of my grip.
"But, mommy's in there. I didn't give her the present." I sigh and let her go.
"Hurry on up, it's almost dark and Derrick might get worried." She runs towards the same flower patch and tears well up in my eyes. I know what she's doing, I don't have to look.
She picks my mothers favorite flower. A dandelion.
My mother says dandelions were strong flowers. You see, most flowers die when the storms or the winds come, not the dandelion. Most flowers can't thrive in the small cracks of the sidewalks or the sides of busy roads. But the dandelion could.
The dandelion was strong. I was my mother's dandelion.
Sammi places the dandelion on my mothers grave. Every week she comes back to water it with her little bucket. There's a tiny patch of dandelions, one for every birthday that has passed since my mother's death.
I count the flowers, I already knew how many there were, but I counted them anyway.
4.
Not too many, but still enough to house a considerable amount of weeds. Derrick would help Sammi pull those later though. I wait a few more seconds before calling Sammi to come on. She hugs the grave and runs into my arms.
"What was she like Kamyla?" She stares at me with her creamy chocolate eyes, she can see my feelings. She knows what I want to say, but can't.
"She was a beautiful lady and if she could see you now, she would be so proud." I kissed her forehead and put her farther up on my hip and headed down the sidewalk. The usual 2 mile walk stretched farther today than most. I trudged on and gazed down at the bends along the way counting all the dandelions I saw in the cracks on the sidewalks.
"Can I walk, please." Sammi asks me, I could tell she was uncomfortable by the way she was awkwardly bouncing on my hip.
"Sorry." I set he down and quickly remember to sternly warn her. "No running off."
"Okay Kam." she says while proceeding to pick up her walking pace.
"I mean it! No running off, I don't want you lost." She slows down and looks back at me, the orange sun perfectly lighting her smooth dark brown skin. At only 4'3 this girl was fast for a 4 year old.
"Fine." she pouts.
"Oh shut up and come on, it's almost 7 o' clock." I brisky walk to catch up with her fast behind and grab her. "Slow down." she huffs and slows down her pace to my delight.
"What is Derrick cooking tonight? I wanna eat at McDonald's" she demands.
"Watch your tone, and I don't know. He might not even be home yet. We're not eating at McDonald's anyway so you can squash that right now." She snatches off mad but I don't care, I have to take care of her the right way. Not spoil her.
A few minutes later we arrived "home". If you call a little shack in the woodsy part of the Georgia projects a home. Believe it or not Derrick was home hovering over the stove.
"Hey brother." I say seating myself on a bar stool. "How was your day?"
"It was pretty good...." rubbing the back of his neck he turns to face me "Where were y'all, you know I don't like you out when its after 6:30"
"With mom." He turned red and shook a bit. He put down the spatula he was holding and walked towards me. "It's her birthday Derrick." Leaning on the counter he looks around. The diamond earring in one of his ears glinted in the dim light on our ceiling.
"I know what day it is. October 19." he says not looking me in the face.
Glancing at the calendar I sigh, "Yes, mom's birthday. You should've come out of respect."
"I'll go to see her later, okay?"
"I don't know what's up with you Derrick, but I really don't like it. And I know you have to do what you have to do but..." I lower my voice down to a whisper for fear Sammi was listening, "This gangster, thug life you're living. It's not right. If you get caught by the police what's Sammi and I going to have. I have to get to school. I can't take care of the both of us by myself."
"I know Kamyla, can we drop this, please." he pleads, gazing at the picture of tree on our back wall that our mother painted.
"Mom would be disgusted with you Derrick. You're 19, she had hopes for you. You're not honoring her name."
"Drop it now Kamyla." He whispers through his teeth and turns towards the stove. "The food almost burned. Go wash your hands it's time to eat." I go into Sammi's room to find her playing with a small doll on her floor.
"Wash up. It's time to eat." I closed her door and walked out to set the table.
"What are we having D." I state, I can't even stand to look at him right now. How can he just disrespect mom like that?
What is he doing with his life I just don't understand......
I peered down at my plate as it was set in front of me and watched him sit down and pick up his fork. "What are you doing?" Sammi asks. I knew exactly what she was going to say just like I know everything else. "Put your fork down." He places it on the plate and huffs.
"What Sammi?! What is it! I'm hungryyyyy..." He whines and moans. Sammi giggles.
"Bow your head brother, say grace." Sammi then puts her head down waiting for the grace to fly out his mouth like every night.
"Here Sam why don't you say it this time." He smiles. She lifts her head and looks around to me, silenltly pleading for me to give her an excuse.
"Yeah Sammi," I say, ignoring her desperate plea, "Why don't you say the grace this time." I stretch my arm around the table and grab Derrick's hand and hold my other arm out for her but she doesn't take it.
"I can't say the grace I can't read." I laugh, harder than I should have but I found that hilarious. It's moments like these I wish mom was here to cherish with us.
"Prayer does not require reading, just say what you want to God."I wipe the laughing tear out my eye and grab her hand along with Derricks.
"Okay," she nervously looks around at us one more time before returning her head to the bowed posititon. "Dear Lord, Thank you for this food, that we are about to eat to help us grow up, and please let mommy be okay in heaven even though I don't know her. I heard she was really pretty and nice and I heard that she loves me. So, let her be nice to the angels and let her come back for one day so she can see me and Kamyla and Derrick. Amen."
She lifts up her head and picks up her fork. I couldn't move. A tear slipped from my eye, but I wiped it away before anyone saw. I was a dandelion.
My mother's dandelion.
