When you can't explain how you feel and you're getting frustrated. Things not turning out how you would like, so you begin to feel castrated. An emotional warfare waging in my soul causing my mind to lose control my mentality is unstable. So many thoughts running rampant, my cool-headed self a champion being defeated in this colosseum. So many enemies stand before my eyes spitting blood freezing threats and lies. I wrestle with sleep cause I'm scared to close my eyes and enter into a ring of demons ready to torture me for what seems like all of time. Time..time is the mastermind behind the lines pulling the strings controlling these two-faced, love-hate monsters like Jekyll and Hyde. I blink for hours and sleep for an eternity, open my eyes to feel myself wrapped in puddles of cold sweats up under me. My mind can't stop trying to run from the guns shoved into my head. I feel like i want to stay alive, but this game of cat and mouse makes me look down the barrel and wish i was dead. I hear whispers telling me to walk and keep walking, follow the signs with no talking. I feel my body be forced into bed,eyes closed while i struggle to open them up again. And there i sin cause i cry out in anger. Why me,why me, why me. I don't want this body infested with this illness sucking out my joy. This weak, fragile body that constantly screams in pain but there's no noise. I can only hear myself cry for help. I can only feel myself writhe in pain. Again and again i look at my blade and hold it up to my throat and choke. If I'm forced to live this life of pain...can i at least not hear it. Can i at least not feel it. Why can't i just be thoughtless
