FRIENDS Til The End

Chapter 13 - The One With Rachel's Goodbyes Part 1

                Jill and Amy rushed into the hospital as Monica called them. They didn’t even have time to change clothes. They both just wanted to be there as soon as they could.

                “What happened?? She was perfectly fine when we left her!” Amy had never been this scared her entire life.

                “We don’t know. We were just talking when all of a sudden she just... fainted.” Phoebe’s eyes were hurting from crying. If only that could change anything. “Wh-where are they? She was talking about Ben, Ella and Emma.

                “They’re asleep. We decided not to wake them up. They don’t need this right now,” answered Jill. “And we haven’t told Mom and Dad yet. We didn’t know how to. This is not good for Dad’s heart. And Mom... I don’t know if I could handler seeing how she’d react if she found out.” No one spoke for another minute or so. “I wanna see her.”

                “We can’t. Not yet, the doctors are doing some tests or whatever.” It was Joey who answered. He looked like he was going out of his mind. He wanted to do something... anything that could Rachel out of this situation right now but there was nothing and it was making him crazy. But he wasn’t going to because that was the last thing everybody needed right now.

                “This is not happening,” Amy said. She, too, was starting to cry. Rachel was the reason she is who she is right now. It was hard to believe she might lose her any minute now. “She’s gonna be fine, right?”

                All four of them knew the answer. But no one was brave and prepared enough to say what was about to happen sooner than they all thought it would take.

                It took almost a week before Rachel would wake up and would be able to talk. She woke up one day and there was Ben, right beside her. “H-hi...”

                “R-rachel! Y-you’re up... D-do you need anything? I’ll call the doct—”

                “Honey, relax. I’m fine. I promise.”

                Ben looked at her to make sure she was fine. He couldn’t tell if she really was but Rachel was smiling and didn’t look like she was in pain or something so he decided to just stay put. “Okay. Just tell me if you’re feeling something.” Rachel just nodded. “Uhm, Dad had to go fix something. Emma and Ella are at school. And everyone else, uh, they’re at work so...”

                “It’s okay. I’m glad you’re here.” No one spoke for a while. “Ben...”

                “Yeah?”

                “Do you know that you said your first word to me?” Rachel asked, smiling at the memory. She still remembered the way Ben said ‘Hi’ to her and how great she felt that night.

                Ben smiled. It was something Rachel had been bragging about for years whenever she felt like teasing his Dad about it. “Yeah, it came up.” Rachel just smiled and didn’t say anything else after that. “Have I told you how an amazing mother you’ve become to me?”

                Rachel wasn’t expecting this. Ben was a man with a very few words. He usually didn’t say much about anything especially about what he felt. Sure, they’ve had some talks ever since he could talk but none ever come close to saying how they felt for each other as mother and son. This almost brought Rachel to tears.

                “I think I haven’t. And that’s why I’m telling you now. You’ve taught me a lot and I’m really thankful that I have you as one of my Moms. I have a lot, you know.” He tried to laugh but felt like it was hollow. “But you’re different. You’re probably the coolest among you three. And you’re the one who makes Dad happiest. I couldn’t thank you enough. And I feel bad that it had to come to this point just for me to say how I really feel.” Ben looked down. He couldn’t look at Rachel because he knew that if he would he’d just start to cry. “I’m sorry...”

                “Honey, look at me...” Ben did so. “You didn’t have to say anything to let me know how you felt. Right from the start, you’ve been the best son I could have ever asked for. I love you.” Ben went near her and kissed her forehead. “Promise me that you won’t screw up, okay?” Rachel smiled but tears kept flowing from her eyes.

                “I won’t. I have you as my model.”

                Evening came. Ross, together with Emma and Ella, was the one looking after Rachel. She was sleeping and he was just staring at how beautiful she was. If not for all the machines around, Ross would think that they were just home, with nothing wrong. If only he could.

                Rachel slowly opened her eyes. “Hi...” She had the biggest smile. Seeing Ross was one of those things making Rachel want to hold on much, much longer. Then she saw her two kids and it made this moment even better.

                As if sensing her Mom was up, Ella woke up, too. Seeing Rachel, she nudged Emma. “Mom’s up.” Both went near her and hugged and kissed her. “How are you feeling Mom?”

                “I feel great. Coz you’re both here. How about you?”

                “We want you to go home,” Emma said. Between them, it was taking Emma a lot harder to accept what was really going on.

                Rachel looked at Ross and he immediately understood that she was asking some time to talk to their kids alone. “Uh, any of you guys want something to drink?” No one spoke. “No? I do. Uhh, girls, take care of your Mom, okay? I’ll be right back.” And he left.

                Rachel tried to sit down but Ella stopped her. “Mom, you shouldn’t. It’d be bad for you.”

                “Honey, it’s all right. I... I can.” True enough, she was able to sit down. “Will you come sit with me here?” They both did, each on Rachel’s sides and cuddled with her. “That’s better.” Rachel breathed deeply. “You guys know what’s going on, right?” Both nodded. “I... I might not be staying any longer.” Rachel found it really hard to let out these words.

                “That’s not true.” Emma said, who was starting to cry.

                “Well, yeah. I’ll be with you for the rest of your lives, you know. Right here.” And she pointed in both their hearts. Then she started to cry, too. “I really, really want to stay. I want to see you grow up and be just like me...” She laughed softly, Emma and Ella both laughing with her. “But some things have to happen for reasons you may not be able to understand right now. But you know what? You’re both smart. You’re your Daddy’s girls. And eventually, you’d understand. What I just want you to know right now is how much I love you and how happy you’ve made me...” Rachel’s tears were literally pouring from her eyes and she knew both her kids were crying, too... too much to be able to talk. “Hey, there’s no need to cry. I’ll always be around.”

                Emma stood up. “No, you won’t. No matter how much you tell us that you’ll always stay with us, in here,” she pointed to her heart quite hard, “it wouldn’t be the same, Mom. It won’t coz we won’t get to see you anymore. We won’t hear you talk, we don’t get to hug you, we don’t get to kiss you... we don’t get to have a Mom for the rest of our lives.”

                Rachel just kept crying and didn’t know what to tell her kids because Emma was right. When she’s gone, they wouldn’t get to feel what it was like to have a mother anymore. And it pained her. Because she was going to be the reason for it. “I’m so sorry this had to happen. I’m sorry I just can’t fight it anymore, Emma. But I love you both so much and I hope that can come close, even just a little, to make you feel how sorry I am for letting this battle win over me.”

                “Mom...” Ella hugged her. “You don’t have to apologize, we understand. We’re just really, really sad because we love you, too... so much...” Emma seeing and hearing this went near her Mom and hugged her really tight, hoping that maybe, just maybe, this can keep her from being gone.