These Walls

Chapter One

"I'll never leave you." Yet you did.

"I'm always here." Yet you're not.

"I love you" Yet you don't.

I'm broken. It's just a matter of time before you see it too. Then you'll leave just like everyone else. You're a beautiful soul who has been through hell. But yours was a different kind of hell. Everyone goes through a different hell. That's what I know. Mine. It isn't pretty, whose is? It is hell, yet it is freezing cold. Isolation. I deserve it. I failed. Failed you. Failed him. I let it get to me. I let it tear me down.

My walls are built for a reason. Yours would be too. People leave. Yeah, I know. It's a part of life. But I could've prevented that. When I open up to you too, you'll leave. They all do.

I have my guard up. I look strong because I know what it feels like to look weak. To be looked at like you're weak. I don't like that look. The look of sympathy. It was the look I got at his funeral. I'll never be able to forget it. The look that tells me I'm going to be okay even though I know I won't.

Don't trust too much. Don't love too much. Don't hope too much. Because that too much can hurt you so much.

Maybe. Just maybe, my guard is a little bit too high. But maybe it's because I will never forget why it went up in the first place.

It's become cozy. Too cozy. In these walls. They've become my home.

I like talking to you. Because for at least a little bit. A minute, an hour. I forget that I'm not okay.

When that time is over, however. I go back to reality. My reality is a lot different than yours. I'm broken.

There's this little voice in the back of my head. No matter where I go or what I'm doing it's there. There's two of them. A good one, and a bad one. The bad will say something then the good one contradicts it. But there's always one thing the bad says that the good never contradicts.

Daddy's waiting on you sweetheart. Whenever you're ready, he is too.