Searching For Answers

Chapter II: Another Day, Another Adventure

"Please tell me, that I'm doing the right thing...

I just need to find her... I can't remember her.. I need to remember her, it burns so much in the pit in my stomach I just want to rip out my soul and cry in anger from the missing part in my heart I can't find... 

I feel so empty, and behind every fake smile is hiding regret and depression that I lie about... 

Please... tell me where you are... I can't... find you..."

-

I sat and watched the waitress set glasses of water on our table, and I met the gaze of John and Alexis. 

"Let's see what you want to eat now, huh?" John gave me a sympathetic smile, and I returned the gracious smile, my tummy rumbling. 

I shifted my hazel gaze down to the menu, picking out what I wanted, sipping my water. I met Alexis's eyes, and I raised an eyebrow.

"So, Cin... how does it feel forgetting things everyday?" She asked, John knocking his elbow into hers, and I sighed.

"It feels lonely and regretful... that's what it feels like," I managed a smile, exhaling out slightly loud. 

"A toasted rosemary and bacon, lettuce, cheese, tomato, and mayo sandwich for her," John pointed to me, "A BLT for me, and a salad for her," he finished the order. 

I stared up at the waitress, bags visible under my eyes, and her eyes widened slightly before gathering up all of our menus and hurrying to the kitchen. I pulled out my journal to continue writing, John snatching it from me.

"Excuse me?" I hesitantly looked up at him, tensing up from his swift actions. He read all my entries, making me flush and rip my journal out of his hands.

"Good, you're writing about something else than stars," John sighed in relief, making me narrow my eyes at him. 

"Whatever..." 

-

I sat down in my chair, in front of the TV- that I never bothered to watch, subscriptions of Spotify, Netflix, Hulu, anything you could think of. My parents were both in the army, giving me the benefit of having money given to me from the government because of their service they gave. 

My set of hazel orbs moved over to the remote, watching it sit in silence and cry to be used, my eyebrow twitching up a bit in interest, hesitantly grabbing the remote, turning on the TV, playing some music off my Spotify, writing in my journal. 

"I hear her in my mind sometimes... begging me to stop searching... to stop looking, at the place I want to be.

You can't go there, she says. Not yet, she repeats, not yet. Please not yet...

But I belong there, up in the sky. My home, with my family, with the people who care for me the most..."

I pray everyday... hoping one day soon, the stars will bring me home... I hardly sleep, tossing and turning in my sheets, waiting for a comfort, warming presence that never comes to lull me to sleep.

I snap out of my thoughts as I hear a doorbell ring, setting my journal aside, going to the door, opening it. 

A boy with blackish brown hair and rusty brown eyes that were the color of beautiful chocolate, dressed nicely, with flowers in hand, for some reason.

"Hey, Cin... can... you go out with me?" The boy asked, and I looked up at him with a confused look. 

"I-I'm Blake! Don't you remember me...? From high school...?" He inquired, and I slowly nodded, my memory refreshing and adding him to it. 

His bright, hopeful smile made me reply with a yes, not wanting to crush his little heart. I watched him leave with a little bit of a pep in his step, raising an eyebrow, giggling slightly, smelling the flowers he gave me, feeling a true, bright smile curl onto my lips. 

"He's so sweet..." I smiled, going over to the cabinets, setting a vase onto my white, antique table, filling it with water, setting the ruby red roses in the vase, returning to my seat. 

Butterflies filled my stomach as I thought about him, this feeling familiar with a certain person that I'm having a hard time remembering, with hesitation, switching to a channel, watching a TV show that interested me. 

Everything I am now doing, keeps making me think of familiar things that I did with the person I can't remember, exhaling in irritation. I can feel warm arms wrap around my soul, making me lean my head back, relaxing. 

I blew a lock of hair out of my face, petting Ein's luscious copper coat, smiling at the sleeping animal. I felt safe, and completely relaxed in this state, sad to get out of it to go get ready for the date, showering and standing with my hands firmly planted against the dark walls.

I felt the steaming hot water run down my back, my damp locks of hair falling into my face, making me step back and finish washing up, drying off and doing my hair. Dressed and ready to go, admiring my look in the mirror, my hair in a loose french braid down to my lower back, wearing eyeliner and mascara with some lip balm, wearing a nice set of skinny jeans with black heels and a graphic gray tee. 

I sighed, putting on a belt and getting my phone and heading downstairs to continue watching TV.

-

"I love you my beautiful Star... Please move on while you can't remember so you won't ever feel the way you did ever again...

I couldn't bare to see you that way and the way you reacted after my death... 

So please...

Stop Searching For The Answers..."

-

Author's Note!

I plan to write a chapter a day, if not the longest I'll take is 2 days. 

So who's the mysterious person that makes Cindy feel the way she does at times when she starts up her old habits instead of stargazing?

Guess, I dare you!

Anyway bye my little Authors!