ｈｉｒａｅｔｈ

ultraviolence。

I loved him. I love him. I will love him.

I remember when I met him that day, under the somber red light of the bar I performed in. I sang and strummed my guitar to some acoustics, such as Young God and Colors by Halsey.

I saw him standing by the doorway of the bar, dark eyes scanning the crowd before stopping on me. My fingers faltered and I felt my chest tighten. His gaze was piercing, grazing through my soul. It sent a tingle of excitement through my body.

As I get off the stage, he approached me. "Fine evening, young lady," he grins at me, and even that seemed dark and dangerous. "My name is Joshua. May I know your name?" "Minkyeong," I smile. He takes my hand and plants a soft kiss on the back of my hand.

"May I have your company for tonight?"

-----

Admittedly, I've never had a boyfriend before. I am a good girl. Well, I was.

Ever since I met Joshua, I became a bad one. I wanted to please him so badly. I want to impress him with my charms. I have fallen irrevocably for this dangerous man and I desire to enrapture him, like what he did to me.

One night, as we sat in the terrace of his home, Joshua smoked a roll of marijuana. I swam in his pool with nothing on. I stared at him from afar before coming up the surface. I got up and strutted over to him. I sat on his lap, chlorinated water still dripping across the expanse of my body. I lean in, take his roll, put it between my lips and inhaled. I leaned my head back, the euphoric feeling of the drug seeping through my system. Joshua's hands snake across my hips and pull me closer.

"Ah, my little girl is getting bolder," he smiles, but it looks more like a smirk. "My beautiful Deadly Nightshade. My very own poison," he says, taking the roll. He inhales a lungful and pulls me roughly to him. Our lips crashed and mine parted to gasp. He blows the smoke into my mouth and I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head. I pressed closer to him in a frenzy, my sex rubbing against his clothed crotch. He growls and pulls on my hair, forcing my head back. He litters my neck with deep purple marks and I can't help but moan.

"Suck it, bitch. Worship my cock like you live for it," Joshua grips my chin tightly and forces me down, face to face with his engorged member. I lick the length, looking up at him with the lewdest expression I could muster. "I'm getting impatient, dear," he growls and forces my mouth open to thrust his member in. I gag and splutter, but he made no move to stop. He held the back of my head and made my head meet his thrusts halfway. I relaxed my throat and began to bob my head, following his rhythm. "Just like that," he praises and I grew more confident. This continued until he came down my throat, a rough command of 'swallow it all down, baby,' pushing past his lips. I drink it all like it was holy water.

He is my god.

-----

I kept working. He kept going out. I worked for him. He drank for himself. That did not matter to me, though. I needed to do this for him. However, it seemed that I wasn't as lucky today.

"Dear, give me money. Jeonghan and I are going to go drink," Joshua looked at me as soon as I entered the house. "I-I have no money, Josh," I murmur, looking down. I knew what would happen next.

"What?!" and his unforgiving, deathly grip was on me again. This time, it was on my chin. He forced me to look up at him. His eyes were red. "Give me your money, bitch. You love me, right?" he snarls. I cry slightly and stuck to my statement earlier. He throws me on the ground.

I close my eyes and whisper to myself that this is what I deserve, that it's his form of punishment as he punches and kicks me. I spit out blood, coughing badly. He grabs my bag and pulls out the money I was supposed to use for transport tomorrow. "You conniving bitch. How dare you lie to me," he spits on me and leaves. I lay down, exhausted. I'll live another day, I said.

"I'm sorry. I love you," I whisper.

-----

My gig ended late so Mingyu, the bartender, offered to take me home. I said no, but he insisted. The moment after, I found myself in Mingyu's car, already parked at the front of our house.

Joshua was waiting outside.

He forcefully opens the door and dragged me inside. 'Don't follow,' I mouth to Mingyu, who was quick to get out from his side.

It was the last time I saw him.

"Replaced me with another guy, huh, slut?" he snorts and brings his hand up to my neck, wrapping his slender fingers around it. I gasp slightly, breathing sharply.

"Who was he, huh? Is he fucking you better than me? Does he give you money? Is he your sugar daddy? You're such a slut, baby. I thought you loved me and lived for me," he says condescendingly, grip tightening with each sentence pouring out of his pretty lips.

I lay my hands beside me. It was pointless to stop him from choking me. It was blasphemy to even attempt it. I gurgle and gasp deeply to intake even a little bit of oxygen. He throws me down and rips my dress and underwear. Without so much as preparation, he thrusts his flaccid member into my vagina. I cry out in pain. It's been some time since I've last had his member in me. It hurt, to the point that it felt like I was ripped in half. He covers my nose and mouth with his hand, another hand choking me again as he thrusts roughly inside me.

Everything hurt, but I knew that I deserved this. He was punishing me for the sins I've committed against him. I felt my body going lax, like I was drowning. My vision swam. I only felt pain coursing through my veins.

I barely hear the sounds of the sirens outside, mixed with the violins I always hear when I'm with Joshua. I also hear the door busting open, Mingyu's frantic shouting and Joshua being pulled away from me before I felt my lungs giving out.

He never said "I love you too," to me, but I will love him forever. I love him forever.

- Author's Note -
If this piece seems familiar to you, it's because I have posted this in my Minkyeong RP as a one-shot.