Alone

All But One

Sure, almost everyone left Niall, but someone made the effort to come back.

Sequel to Alone

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“You know, Niall, I think I preferred it when you did nothing but cry over how you are now. At least then you showed some emotion.” My dad said grimly before he left the house.

What he said is true. I too miss crying more than how I am now. I am emotionless now, I don’t feel anything. I just go through the motions of life each day. Get up, eat, stare at the TV, eat, go back to bed, survive. You don’t need emotions to just survive.

I have become a shell of my former self, but I chose to become this empty person. It just hurts too much to feel anything. I am broken, beyond repair this time.

When I first got home, all I could do was cry. I would cry myself to sleep most nights; I would cry myself to exhaustion most days. Hell, I would wake up crying sometimes. All I felt was pain. It wasn’t just one type of pain either. I felt pain from heartbreak, betrayal, abandonment, no being accepted, the list just goes on.

Ice cream became my best friend. I would crave it every time I felt the tears come to my eyes. I would cry into my bowl of ice cream wondering when the pain would stop. I basically became like one of those women that get broken up with in one of those cheesy chick flicks.

This went on for a month straight, and then one day, I was unable to cry. My tears were all dried up and the rest of my emotions went with them. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore so I just stopped feeling in general. I stopped talking and thing as well, I didn’t see a reason to. I started living life without really living.

The one good thing about this entire ordeal has been my father. He’s the only one who has ever accepted me, who has never abandoned me even though I abandoned him. He has tried so hard to get me to bounce back and cheer me up. Too bad it’s not working though.

I didn’t bother responding to my father as he went out the front door. I kept my gaze on TV and thought about nothing. I couldn’t even tell you what I was watching. It’s almost like I go into a zone of nothingness and don’t come out of it until it’s time to go to sleep.

I don’t know how long I stayed staring at the TV when I was interrupted by a knock at the door. I sighed; no one else is home, so that just leaves me to get the door.

When I opened the door, though, something clicked. I was brought out of that zone of nothingness. For the first time is a month, I felt something.

And it was embarrassment. This is the first time I have seen someone that is not my dad in two months. My appearance is just embarrassing; I kind of let it go. My hair is messy and greasy and it’s been a while since I dyed it, so it’s this ugly mix of half brown, half blonde. It must have been at least three days since I last took a shower and I’m wearing clothes that haven’t been washed in several days. They’re not flattering clothes either, it’s a pair of baggy sweatpants and an oversize t-shirt, and they do nothing to hide the damage underneath. I main have gained a bit of weight, nothing that would classify me as fat or chubby or anything, but enough that it’s noticeable. But hey, that’s the negative side to ice cream. I could feel my face flush red with embarrassment from my appearance.

The second thing I feel is something close to desire, something I haven’t felt since I met Liam. The guy in front of me was extremely attractive. He was tall, around 6”2 maybe? He’s a lot taller than me, not that that is hard, I’m only 5”6. His hair is dark and really curly and I just want to tangle my hands in it. He has perfect kissable lips and a beautiful pair of green eyes. His body is amazing. He’s very lean, but you can tell he works out. Basically, the dude was beyond fit.