Life of a Lost Boy

...one...

The tips of my raw fingers once again pressed on the cool, thin metal. I winced, trying to ignore the pain that refused to go unnoticed.

"That's it, nice, press harder on that third fret." My older brother Ben instructed from across the room.

"How could you even tell, you're not even lookin'." I retorted, unwillingly pressing my sore ring finger closer to the fret, producing a clearer noise the next time I strummed.

"Because I have ears dumbass, and when you don't press hard enough it sounds like shit," He looks up from his papers and smiles the smile that supposedly makes girls knees go weak, or so I've heard. "You can take a break, Lukers, sounds nice. Needs practice, but great for a beginner, study the chords tonight and I'll show you some fingering techniques tomorrow. Sound cool?" I bite my cheek, not from the innuendo, but because of the glossy instrument in my hands. Ben's new Fender electric he decided to teach me on.

"But, I want to keep practising, I think I'm getting the hang of it." I say, despite the throbbing pain in my fingers, it's relaxing, and very intoxicating. He chuckles.

"I meant I need you to get out of here so I can finish my report without have a noob attempt to play the guitar you twat," I laugh too, and reluctantly get up to set the lovely guitar on it's stand beside the multiple array of guitars Ben has collected.

"But if you want to play some more, you can take ol' Black Beauty at the end." He says, endearingly, gesturing towards the shiny black acoustic at the end of the line. My eyes light up, and he nods.

"It's yours," my heart skips a beat and my face burns, I thank him and gingerly pick up the neck of the guitar, careful to not bump it against any other guitar, he scoffs at me as I stare at it's magnificence, "don't treat it like it's valuable or anything, that piece of shit never made a pretty noise in it's existence, but at the time I learned on it, I couldn't either, so I thought I would pass on the tradition of playing on sharp metal strings 'til your fingers bleed, in the Hemmings' family," he laughs and pats my shoulder as he stands up. His 6'3 frame towers over my small 5'4 stature. The six year age gap between us, shining like the full moon outside of his bedroom window. "I'm starved, has mom made dinner yet?" He asks, stretching his arms and legs after sitting hunched over his desk for the passed couple of hours. I look at him incredulously.

"Ben, she hasn't made us a meal in years." His blue eyes meet the ground, his face woeful.

"Sorry, habit." Shuffling passed me, I saw the tear he quickly swiped away from his cheek. Ben has lived with our mother's sister in Canberra, where he attended all four years of high school, he comes to visit us every once in a while, more frequently since he bought his car, but it's not the same in this shit hole. I plan to follow in his steps as soon as I can and live with our aunt, who beckons us with open arms, knowing how unbearable her sister is, and generously offers us a roof of refuge from the she-devil that is my mother. Unfortunately, I have another year until I'm thirteen and able to register for high school in Canberra. But I can tough out another year, I've survived the passed twelve, barely, but I made it.

"What are you in the mood for, Loo?" My eyes break from the trance I had on his shoe, tearing me from my thoughts.

"I'm not sure, anything really." 

"Well, I'm not sure how you survived here," I nod "pantry and cupboards are almost completely empty. Aside from these," he gestures to the empty beer cans and bottles that had fallen out of a cabinet "there's nothing here." I sigh, normally I dug into mom's wallet or purse for a couple bucks, which always resulted in punishment, and walked to the small cafe a couple blocks down if I was really hungry. Otherwise, I would just have breakfast and lunch at school.

"Sorry this isn't the best first night home..." I frown.

"Hey Lukey, it's completely fine, I'll take you out for pizza, how's that sound?" My heart leaped, having him back was the best news I've heard in a while, it easily makes this the best birthday I've had in a while.

Ben grabs his soft black jacket from the hook by the door and I do the same. We then walk through the slight Australian chill to the pizza parlour.

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"Where are Mom, Dad and Jack?" Ben asks, sipping his cherry coke.

"Jack is out with his girlfriend Tia, and Mom and Dad are at some bar probably," I sip my coke as well "you wouldn't like Tia much."

"How do you know I wouldn't like her, I might meet her and it's love at first sight, and we get married just to spite you." He winks. I gag and glare at him.

"That's gross, she's a skank. Really, you would not like her." Ben looked me in the eye with an emotion I couldn't decipher.

"Never talk about a girl like that, even if she wears practically no clothes, it's a choice, and sometimes doesn't reflect their character. Please, if you learn nothing from me at all in our whole brotherhood together, at least remember that." I lean against the soft leather seats and feel my heart sink.

"Gosh. I... I'm sorry. I know that's not nice, I won't do it again, Ben," he sighs and mutters an 'okay' before we both take a bite of the big cheesy pepperoni pizza in front of us "but you're also teaching me guitar. But may I ask, why you let me learn the basics on your really nice electric and not the black acoustic from the start?"

"You'll see, later tonight when your fingers fall off, acoustic strings are the worst, but will toughen up your fingers quicker. Persevere, stay with it, you'll appreciate electric guitars a lot more after going through bloody fingers."

"Do your fingers actually bleed though?" I ask curiously, Ben laughs, throwing his head back.

"Only when you finger pick for a while, I guess. But that's it, and I'm not even sure if you can do that..." 

"Also, why did you come here all of a sudden? Normally you only come for holidays."

"It's your birthday you twat, did you forget that? That cheap acoustic was your present, it was going to be that glossy Fender I got, but then I realized you had no idea how to play, so at least I would get you a guitar to teach you on, I guess. I don't have much of a reason to drive here. I'm in between terms now, so I had some free time, but I had some work to finish in my AP classes, so I have to get that done while I'm here." I missed him. His brightness, his intelligence and humour. His ability to make life a little more cheery.  I was going to tell him this, but he interrupted me.

"I guess I came here to tell you something," His almost always readable eyes, weren't. His long fingers tangeled through his hair as he leaned on the table with his elbows. "I'm not going to university next year." This isn't right, this isn't what I want to hear.

"Ben..."

"I've been selected for the Defense Force. I'll be deployed before October, I came to say goodbye."