Lonely

Beautiful Cliff

It was a cold dark night, the stars spilled out of the midnight black sky. There was a chill in the air but I didn't care I lay in the grass studying the stars above. Life was hard that I knew for sure but cruel could life it's self be so cruel that I would dare jump off the end of the cliff I currently lay on. I pushed my hands deeper in to the long cool grass, maybe I could fly? Fly away from everything that holds me down but I could also fall, fall into the nothingness at the bottom of the cliff. It was my choice and my choice alone, I could go back and fight to live or I could try and fly. I heard my foster mother yell for me, "Diamond". I picked myself off of the grass my body fighting me to stay. I looked once more at the edge of the cliff my mind torn between jumping and fighting. I walked quickly to the house no need to anger them further. "Yes, Azlin?" I said with my head hung low hoping she took it as a surrender. "Go finish your chores and then up to bed" she said not even sparing me a glance as she continued watching T.V. "Yes Madam" I responded and hurried to wash the dishes. No dinner again tonight, I must have done something I was unaware of. I looked and the sink full of dirty dishes, and carefully moved them to the side stacking them in a specific order. Cups and Utensils first, Plates and Bowls next, then pots and pans. Just as the group home taught me when I was little. I lived in the group home until I was eight then the officials found out the older kids were beating me so they looked for foster parents then one day Azlin and Harry agreed to be my foster parents. They only took me for the money it's been six years and still they keep me here locked away as if I'm a slave. I hear the TV turn off and Azlin walking I hurry to finish the little bit of dishes that are left. "Diamond your still not done" I hear Azlin say behind me. "I told you to hurry child." I wait for the pain there's always pain. I feel something connect with my head, I feel the movement of my hair and then a mind blowing pain in the back of my head. I turn around slowly to see what she hit me with. I see her standing there anger piercing her beautiful blue eyes and a broken plate in her hand. I messed up again, I turned around quickly and continued the dishes. I could feel blood trickle down the side of my face yet I refuse to cry. I deserved this, it was my fault I am nothing. I am not a diamond I am but dirty rock not even worth the ground I stood on. Harry would be home soon Harry was always worse than Azlin, he had allot more anger and hate for me. Who would blame him though, I am and will always be some dirty foster girl used and abused why all who had the guts to try. I thought about the cliff again that beautiful cliff. My mind wandered off as I cleaned I thought about my mom who apparently had left me in the side of the street because I was worthless. They named me diamond because they said me being alive when they found me was as rare as a diamond if only they could see how worthless I have become. I finish the dishes and head to my room, laying on my old mattress and covering myself with the blanket. Sleeping was my favorite thing, in my dreams I could leave this place and find somewhere beautiful to be somewhere where I was worth so much. I whisper goodnight to myself as the darkness consumes me.