sanity

            Sanity

They can’t know it’s here. If they know they will take it away from me and I won’t see it ever again. I can’t let that happen. This little light is the only thing I have left. I don’t know what it is but it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. When I try to touch it, my hand goes right thru it as it there is nothing there. And yet it still remains?                                                                    

     When the bad people come I hid it by putting something in front of it. If they were to discover it they would take it for their own.  It is my most prize possession and yet it is not mine. It leaves me every day when it is time to go to bed, but it always comes back in the morning. I don’t know what it is but I try to talk to it. It’s hard because I don’t want the bad people to know it’s here so I talk to it very softly. I think it must be very shy because it never answers back, but that’s ok, I’m just glad for its company.                                                                                         

   I’m always glad to see it after the bad people take me away.  The bad people take me away from my room every day and sit me down on a couch to ask me questions like “ how are you doing today Erin” and “ how do you feel today Erin”?  They sometimes ask me if I still hear things at night. I have stopped answering this question because the last time I did they did not liked my answer. I know they are making the noises, but I don’t know what they are doing or why they are doing it.                                                                                                                     

    When they finish questioning me they take me to a huge white room to eat something. They give me food which at first I didn’t eat, but eventually I gave into the hunger and risked the possibility that it was poisoned. I now eat all of my meals; I think they want me alive to keep questioning me.                                                                                                                           

  After I eat the bad people take me back to me room and lock the door.  They say it is for my protection but I know that they’re scared of me. I can see it in their eyes. I always wait at least 5 minutes until I go and look at the strange light again.  I stare at it until they come again with my evening meal. The meals are always the same but I don’t care. I like order and a routine.    Apart from the light my room is plain. The walls are white. I have a bed in the corner, the sheets are white. I don’t have any mirror in my room so I don’t know what I look like, but I have a white table in the center of my room with two white chars. The one closest to the door it for the shrink they bring in for me to talk to. I don’t know who he is or what he does but I know that he is called a shrink because that is what the bad people call him. The char on the other side of the table is for me.                                                                                                                                                  

    Some times some people come and visit me. They seem to know me but I don’t know who they are so I just don’t say anything when they’re here. This seems to upset them but I don’t know what to say. When I do speak it doesn’t seem to help, actually it sometimes seems to make them sadder.                                                                                                                                    

      When they leave the shrink comes in and asks me if it was nice to see my family again, but I can’t answer him because I don’t know what he is talking about so I just remain silent. When he figures out he isn’t going to get an answer out of me he leaves me be. I almost feel sorry for him, but I don’t know why because he is working with the bad people. The same people that would take the light away from me it they knew it was there.                                                       

    I don’t know who they are or what they want from me. The only thing I can be certain of is that I have an amazing gift. I know I will treasure it always and I will never let it get into the hands of the bad people. The light is mine. It is my hope, it is my life, and it is my sanity.