joji comes back late in the night, as expected. i was just laying in bed storming up some lyrics in my head. i would never release it, i mean i suck at singing, and i'm average at playing piano and other instruments. i need to be amazing and perfect. 2 things i don't think i am. mostly because i don't have someone to tell me i'm perfect in the way that i am, or that i'm beautiful. i wish i did. i see everyone walk around hand in hand with their boyfriends or girlfriends, i just wish that joji would do that with me. i don't understand how i can get so caught up in my thoughts, and how i'm imagining all these things is pathetic. i hear footsteps. familiar ones. i also hear voices. max and ian. i get up and open the bedroom door. i am greeted by a bloody joji with a bruised face and bruised knuckles.
"oh wow" i blurted out.
"he got in a little fight, keep a close eye on him, alright?" max says nonchalantly.
i nod, as usually. i grab joji and keep him close into my side. max and ian left me with joji. i dragged him to the bathroom. i told him to sit on the counter and wait. i got out the first aid kit and started to disinfect his face with alcohol. i grabbed his hand, something i haven't felt in a long time. i felt him gripping my hand tighter. i look up and i see tears blurring up his chocolatey eyes.
"you okay"
"yeah" i heard his voice crack.
"no your not, what's wrong?" i inquired.
" i just feel like we're letting this romance got to waste, i know this is random and all but do you feel like we're going down the drain?"
surprise, surprise, i nodded. i can never seem to let my voice be free. it's yearning to be heard but is too shy to come out.
"why don't you speak to me?"
i simply replied with, "i'm not used to it?"
"i'm your boyfriend though."
"i'm sorry," i said, or whispered. he just kissed my forehead. i could feel all the blood rushing to my face, giving it a bright read tint. i looked up at him. all through this, somehow, i managed to sanitize his hand and wrap it.
"lets go to bed babe, yeah?" he questioned.
"yep" he just laughed as i turned read at the mention of the pet name, babe. he got ready for bed and payed down. i did my business and walked into the bedroom. he patted the spot next to him, a smile creeping on his face as he did so. i smiled back softly.
"goodnight. i love you" i love you. he said it. he really said it!
"i love you too." i said happily. content with myself for once i fall into a deep sleep, right after kissing joji's cheek. i saw him heat up. he giggled and smiled his bright, pearly smile. this just made me giddy inside. i felt like we were a normal couple for once. maybe we might be able to fix our relationship. but why did it change from the norm though? a question that is yet to be answered. i decided to stop thinking and get a wonderful sleep tonight. i look at joji who is out like a light. i can feel my thoughts still spinning around in my mind. i decided to get up and get a drink. as i was walking down the stairs i heard shifting around. i thought nothing of it. as i was walking into the kitchen i heard footsteps, joji is pacing around the room, he does that all the time, i thought to myself. as i was pouring the glass i heard footsteps that were even closer to me, i felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist. i put the glass down, turned around and hugged him back.
" you're adorable. do you know that?" i shook my head no. "well you are." we stayed hugging for what seemed like an eternity. i could see the light in his eyes when i look up at him. even though the only light at this time was the dim moonlight and the refrigerator light, i could still see the glimmer and gleam. i could stay here forever. "back to bed?" you guessed it, i nodded. he grabbed me, kicked the fridge door and ran up the stairs, pushed the door open and placed me on the warm and soft bed. "goodnight again!"
"goodnight" i murmured. once again, i let my thoughts get the best of me. but i finally settled in the blankets and got comfortable. joji wrapped his arms around my frame and kissed my forehead, cheeks, and finally lips. not harsh, or passionately, just to show a simple display of love. he has been acting very weird lately. he never does this stuff to me. but for some reason i have a feeling that this is forced. like he doesn't want to do this all time. he has to. this is the only thing keeping us together at this point. one day he is going to snap and realize that maybe we weren't meant for each other. don't get me wrong here. i love him, i love him with all my heart but i just want to feel appreciated and genuinely loved. this has a superficial taste to it. i try to put my finger on it but i can't seem to get it. maybe i'll get the word later. i hate when this happens. i also hate that i can't discuss this with joji, he'll think i'm crazy. i mean i'm pretty sure i'm going crazy. there i go again. my thoughts always get the best of me. but in all honesty i just want to be able to talk and act the way i want around joji. i feel like i'm not allowed. like his going to say something. i should probably get some sleep now.
wc / / 1022
