The one who just is there

Prologue:

Hi. I'm Emma, or wait no I'm just nobody. Yeah just nobody, that is most correct. Everybody hates me, if they doesn't hate me then they don't know who I am. So here I am. Thinking about the story, the story about me. The story about Emma Garcia Johnson, the girl without friends. I'm a afraid to die alone with 11 cats. I want friends. I want to live like a normal teenager. I'm so much alone that I'm imagine the book about me, the most lonely girl I'm the world. They call me a freak. They call me a whore. They say that I make out with the teachers. They say that I should kill my self. They say that I'm fat and ugly and nobody could ever love me. I'm trying to say to myself that it is lies, but it is hard. It's hard to see my self as beautiful. So here a couple years ago, I tried to take away the pain, by cutting. At first it hurts but then it gets....

Chapter 1.

I love you. You are beautiful. You are perfect. The words that I always have wanted to hear. I could die just to hear someone say those things to me.

It was Monday morning. I laid in my bed and thought about life. My life. The life. Your life. Their life. I stood out of my bed and looked in the huge mirror that hang on the wall. In the mirror was a girl. A girl who is tired of life, she stands in ugly underwear. A girl with a fat body. A girl that is lonely and alone.

I looked down at my body. Why couldn't I look like the supermodels in the magazines. I don't like the way I look, not at all. Maybe the girls are right. The girls who says all the mean things. Maybe they don't say them to be mean, maybe it's the truth. The truth about the lonely me.

I hated this part of the day. Or I hate all parts of the day, expect when I sleep. I love sleeping. There I can be who I want. I can be beautiful and famous. I can have lot of friends. This was one of the worst things in the day. The bath. I had to take a bath but I didn't want to. I didn't want to see my body. I just wanted to cover it. Cover it with lots of big clothes. I never had gym. I didn't want to let the other see my body. But here we go. I kept saying to my self that it was necessary, so I didn't smell or look dirty.

I took off all my clothes and turned on the water. I let the water, run down on my body. I did everything I could do to not look at my body. At the table in the bathroom laid a razor. My skin was almost calling for it, for the pain. I couldn't.... Not yet, not today.

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Yeah so that was the first chapter. I don't know if anybody ever will read it but hey let's hope. I know I have make some mistakes but just ignore them. Don't know when I will write again but I think soon. I would love if you guys would write some comments with your meaning about it.

xxx

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Chapter 2

School time. I am a nerd and a geek. I love school and learning new stuff. I loved being in school if it wasn't for all the bitches. All the mean girls. Not a single one of them was nice to me. They do not think about anything expect boys, Justin Bieber and them self. They all want to be models or singers. I want to be a lawyer. A beautiful, smart lawyer. One of the famous lawyer that wins all cases. Yeah I know not a typical teenage dream but still.

I am the teachers favorite student, most because I am the only one who actually makes homework and answers the questions. I love math because it's easy. There is just one answer on every question in math. I think that is why I like it. I love to read. It is just like coming in to a new world, without my everyday problems.

I sat in class on the front row. Steven sat beside me. He's disgusting and stinks. I kinda fell sorry for him. Maybe he doesn't know. He is just as lonely as me. Just as friendless. Maybe he doesn't care, maybe he have lot of friends outside the school. But what do I know about that. It's not my business.