The Soldier's Hostage

Chapter Thirty-Two

I woke with a gasp and staggered out of bed. The cuffs around my wrists rattled as I stumbled out of the bedroom, catching myself from falling by holding onto the wall here and there. A flash of white distracted me just long enough to focus on Angel, scurrying around my feet. I scooped her up and continued in my single-minded need to fulfill my only goal.

Out of the apartment and down the hall, I didn't stop and actually make sense of where I was until I was standing in the middle of Zach's apartment. I blinked in surprise, stunned that I had managed to get so far without becoming aware of myself and rethinking this plan. It was a little late now however.

Zach slowly got to his feet, quietly comforting his son as he left the couch and the kids movie they had been watching together. He rounded the couch and slowly approached me, looking concerned. "Um, Tucker? You okay there?"

I swallowed hard and tried to stop shivering. "I- I think I- No."

"Alright. Hey, it's okay. It's alright. Take a deep breath okay?" He gently took a grip on my shoulder as I breathed in deep and I felt the strength go out of my legs. Zach lightly caught me and hefted me back onto my feet. "Whoa! Okay, let's get you sitting down before you fall down, alright?"

I whimpered, drawing his attention before he had moved me more than a step towards the couch. "I need containment." Zach blinked at me. I licked my lips and tried to come up with more words that would relay what I needed without compromising the innocence of the young child watching us intently. "Restriction. Confinement. Embrace. Holding. Restraint."

"Okay, okay. I gotcha." Zach's gaze flicked down to the cuffs around my wrists. "You gonna be okay if I do it or should I wake up Henri?"

I contemplated for a moment. Henri wasn't particularly forceful unless he got mad. Zach at least had experience with a kid. "If you don't mind..."

Zach nodded and gently took Angel from me. I followed after him as he rounded the couch again, plopping my cat into Will's hands. The little boy lit up in excitement, gently petting Angel and making her purr. Then Zach hefted Will up and turned, handing him to me. I quickly scooped the boy into myself, a little confused as to where Zach was going with this. Then I got it as he sat back down, leaning back against the armrest and tugging me towards him.

I sat in front of him, basically in his lap, and settled Will across my legs as I leaned back against Zach. Zach wrapped his arms around the lot of us and I managed to finally start relaxing. With Zach's hard chest behind me, and Will's weight on top of me, I was pinned enough to start to unwind. Will happily returned his attention to the movie playing, unconcerned with my presence or why we were all snuggling.

Zach didn't appear to mind the abrupt physical contact either, letting me even out and relax. The soft whisper against my ear a little while later didn't even make me flinch. "You get Arthur to do this for you?"

I quietly nodded, flushing. Zach only huffed a little, impressed.

"He doesn't usually do the physical stuff."

Smiling softly, I nodded. "I noticed. But he's been getting better."

"Good. He might actually manage to make things last with you. Just, don't push too fast or hard on making him play catcher."

The baseball reference threw me for a moment. Then I got it. "He's actually already offered, kind of."

Zach stiffened behind me. "He did what?!" I frowned, glancing over my shoulder to where he was staring at me with wide eyed surprise. "You're kidding. Right?"

I shook my head. "He said he could try, though he was kinda nervous when he said it. Why?"

Zach's incredulous look quickly locked back down into a guarded wariness. "I don't know if I should tell you." Zach frowned when I pouted, considering. He sighed and shook his head, gaze turning away from me and going far beyond the confines of this room or this place. "Just remember if you let him know I told you this, we're both dead."

I knew he meant figuratively. Arthur would be more likely to give us the silent treatment and avoid us for who knew how long rather than actually be violent. Still, I began to reconsider accepting this information if it was going to be such a touchy subject.

"Arthur was betrayed, turned, and enlisted in the space of a week. Less than."

I nodded. "He told me that much. And that Katty saved him from her father."

"Well, I'm sure he left out a good deal that came after that. To put it as briefly as possible, he hadn't had nearly enough time to gain control of his new nature, much less properly process, before he was sent on a mission where he was nearly raped."

My mouth went dry. Zach grimaced a little and glanced at me before averting his gaze again.

"I know your own background, so there's probably little empathy there but-"

I quickly shook my head. "No. It doesn't matter whether it happened or nearly happened. It's still scary and shouldn't happen to anyone." My voice dropped as a rather heady thought occurred. "It just means he understands me better than I thought he did."

Zach relaxed a little, seeming relieved at my way of thinking. "Well, it only compounded his control issues. Out of all my nightmares, the one where I don't get there in time to pull that sick bastard off of my brother always hits the hardest. I shudder to think what might have happened if that had been piled on everything else that he dealt with during those first couple weeks as a Vampire. I think he might have actually broken and become a monster himself, rather than just disconnected from his emotions."

We fell into silence for a long moment, both of us lost in our own dark thoughts. There was so much Arthur must have left out. I supposed it made sense. He didn't want my pity. He didn't want to be treated as a fragile broken thing any more than I did. But now that I knew a little more, I realized how big of a gift he had offered me. It wasn't just giving up control. It was allowing himself to be put in that vulnerable position again and trusting that I wouldn't abuse that power.

The thought put me at ease. Even if I never took Arthur up on his offer, I felt much more comfortable with my decision to allow him all the control. He knew better than I thought he did what I was giving him. Those promises and assurances that he would be gentle and careful weren't just to calm me. They held the weight of previous experience.

And the instantaneous 'obviously' when I had amended my permission to include gentleness. It wasn't just a glib response to move things along. It really had been obvious to him.

"Is that why is relationships don't last long too?"

Zach raised a brow, hesitating as he redirected his thoughts to my question. Then he shrugged. "I think that particular issue has less to do with the almost violation and more with the woman who betrayed him. He's got that wound in the back of his mind. Add that on to his need to control just about everything and you're looking at a very specific breed of lover that just isn't that common." A soft smile tugged at his mouth as he ruffled my hair. "I mean, you came from France and he had to step out of his comfort zone of orientation to even start down this road. Right? Imagine if you had never been dropped into his life."

I tossed my hair back out of my face and smiled a little myself. "I think he's been just as good for me as I have for him."

"It's good to be needed by someone. The two of you provide that for the other."

I nodded, thinking for a minute longer before wiggling up and out of Zach's lap. I handed Will back and scooped up Angel. "Thank you. Both for helping me calm down and for talking with me. I promise Arthur will never know what we discussed."

Zach chuckled. "Thank the Sire for that. And don't worry. Arthur can handle himself even if I'm not around to rescue him. He'll be back safe and sound. Hopefully very soon."

I nodded in agreement. "Hopefully." I wished Zach and Will a good day before going back to my apartment. I settled Angel down on the bed and crawled under the covers, inhaling the scent of Arthur still barely clinging to the sheets.

I missed him intensely, and couldn't help but worry a little, despite everyone's assurances. This place might be where I lived now, but Arthur was what made it home. I curled into a ball and drifted off to sleep, hoping he was on his way back right now, and wondering if he missed me as much as I missed him.