My first love

Chapter 9. "My tears are dried".

Assalamoalykum, to u all lovely readers and thanks for your valuable messages and comments.  I'm enjoying this story and hope u may also. 

In this part Ilaf told about her mother and her father, why she hates her father and why her mother hates her.  She is quite unlucky girl which is wondering for love of her mother.

Now comes towards our story.

Nayra:

Now tells us about your family, we are familiar with your nani ammi, as you usually talks about her, I thought she is so sweet and who is else in your family?.

After a small pause i replied her, as I know they are also wanted to know about my self and my family and i am now so closed with them and I'm not told them about my self. 

I am Ilaf Ahmed Siddiqui, and I lives with my nani (Sayyada bi) and mom (Mayra Ahmed Siddiqui).  My uncle Syed Parvez (mamu) and unty Shaheen Parvez (mamy) and my two cousins Ahmed and Ahmer.

So lucky you are you have your nani and mom.  You have got love of two mothers, it's great and what about your dad?

I take a long breath, and says, I never saw him.  I hate him, I hate him from the depth of my heart, he is the one who makes my life hell and make me too far from my mother's love also.  I hate him, I hate himmmmmmm.  I'm start crying.  Although I am very strong, but this topic makes me so weak.  I always keeps pushed down my emotions and control my self.  But now I'm breakdown from insight and I can't control my self.  I always keeps an ornamental smile on my face to hide my emotions.  But you both are come too closed to me and I wants to share this all feelings with you and I'm always with this huge emotions which I have not wants to show anybody, I shows my self that I'm the happiest girl in the world.  But now I wants someone who understands my emotions and help me to overcome from all these bondage of my heart, with whom I share all this.

Ohhhhh don't cry, we are with you, we can solve your problems. 

Aapi gave me a tight hug and gently rub my back, Misbah gave me water and he is looking so worried for me.  Now I am stopped crying and trying to calmed my self.

Misbah:

You always keep all this in your heart, this hurts you a lot.  Keep all this out from your heart and then you feel light.  This all was done, now your upcoming life would not be affected by this.  Tell us your all problems, we are here to listen you and give you a right suggestion.   Where is your father and why you and your mother have distance from each other, although you are lived together?  How your father is responsible for all this?

I tell you all my life's story from starting,  my mother had got married in the age of 15 and she got pregnant, and her husband "my so called father," does not wants any child at that time and he told my mother that he don't wants this baby, so abort it, but my mother regrate him and don't wanted to abort me.  My mother was come to my nani's house to spent some time with their family and to overcome from all these tensions.  After this my father don't created any contact with her and goes back to Dubai, his business was spread over their and he was came for 6 months only for their marriage.  My mother create many contacts with him and he refused all.  He never comes to us and my mother spend her whole life for waiting him and she is still waiting for him, she loved him a lot.  She daily saw her marriage photo album and cry for him.

Oh so sad, but why your mother kept a distance with you?

My mother says, that I am responsible for all this problems in her life.  She says when I came in her womb, her difficulties were started.  She says that, if she was aborted me then her husband never separates with her.  I'm the one who is responsible for all these.......

I hate my self.  All said that, I'm the one who is responsible for all these.  But I am not responsible for all these, the man who left my mother is responsible for all the things.  He is responsible for all the tears of my mother's and my life.  He spread thrones in our lives.  I hate him, because my mother hates me due to him, she loves him a lot and hates me a lot.  (Tears are scrolled down from my eyes). 

I never wanted my father in my life, but my mother which is with me, we lives in same house, we share same room but she never loves me and cares me.  She never ever talked to me, she never hugged me.  I need her always.  I am waiting for her always. 

When i was a small child, i saw the mothers of my friends and my mamy also, they loves her children.  They take cares of them.  They laughs when their children laughs and they cries when their children get hurts, but my mother does not.  To checked her love, I fall down in front of her, and thoughts that she might be come but she never..................I make bruises in my hands, legs and thought that she might be hurt after seeing my tears, but she never................I always come first in my class, I even got first position in whole district in 8 board exams, but she never be happy for me.  I am good in sports also, I always got many prizes, and I even played for district level cricket and I was win, but she never happy for me.  I'm selected for state level cricket and my coach wants that my mother would come and take full responsibility for admission in sports academy and give permission for staying in sports academy for playing cricket and fill my forms and checked all my documents,  but she does not come with me.  I always do all the things which makes her proud of me but she never....... And this is all due to my so called father.  If he comes in front of me I will take revenge for all my tears.  I'm the one who is with her mother but her mother hates her.  I'm always bag for her love, but I can't get her love.  (Now my tears are dried). 

Nayra aapi is also crying with me, she says we always missed our mother, but you are with your mother and your mother does not loves you.  This is not your fault, this is her destiny and she claimed on you.  I thought You're father is responsible for ruined your mother's life but your mother is responsible for ruined your life.  How she would do that with you.....

Now you have to start your life with a new sprit and live your life happily.  Don't waste your valuable tears for the persons who doesn't deserve this. Ahmed said.  I am with you always.
  

This is quite sad part, but I hope u may like this.  Keep reading and voting and I am waiting for your messages.  All frank comments are accepted.  Tell me about how story is goes on, did u like or not.  I waiting for ur feedbacks.