e's pov
I return to the hospital so early the receptionist in the lobby glares at me. But I don't care.
I need to see Belle.
They didn't let me see her when I was discharged, because she was in a surgery.
Apparently, she got pneumonia.
Her lungs are weak with her cancer already, and the cold of my room added with no food or walk or medicine she gets through her IV at night tipped the scale. I feel so guilty it feels like literal pain is shooting through my body. She could die, and it would be all my fucking fault for letting her stay with me. I don't know what got into me, not thinking about her medication.
I can blame the pain relievers I was on all I want, but I know that it was really because something deep inside wanted her to sleep with me. Wanted her beautiful body next to mine, her dainty features against my body. I wanted to close all the gaps between us, wrap my arms so tightly around her she would stay there forever, and I hear her sweet voice in my ear, telling me how much of a dumbass I am.
But now, that might never happen.
I push open the door to her room and look at the floor, not wanting to look at her quite yet. I step right up to her bed and focus on her hand first. It's small and smooth, but deathly pale, with the blue veins standing out against the thin skin. A larger IV than usual is pushed into her wrist. I grab her hand and realize it's freezing. I look over, still avoiding her face, and grab her other hand. I cup her small hands in my larger ones and blow into them to warm them. I sit down at the chair next to her bed, amazed her parents aren't sitting here.
I look at her hands, rubbing them in my own. Her frame looks thinner than usual, a little hospital blanket thrown over it. I gather my courage and look up at her face.
There's a mask over her mouth and nose, forcing adequate breaths into her fluid and cancer filled lungs. Her eye sockets are dark, standing out against sharp cheekbones. Her lips are pale and cracked, and her eyes are shut tight.
But I still can't help but think about how beautiful she looks. I pick her hands up again and kiss them.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper. "I shouldn't have let you stay with me. I-I'm just so... so sorry, you don't even understand." She doesn't respond, and I notice that now there's a heart monitor next to her. I catch a sob before it can escape.
"Please wake up," I whisper, even quieter than before. "I'm fucking in love with you, okay? There, I cussed. And I admitted it. I'm so in love with you. And I know it sounds stupid, because I've only known you a month or two, but you're just so perfect, and that's probably why I let you stay with me. I wanted you there, I wanted you with me, up against me. You feel like home. You wanna know why I never take days off? I planned to. But being with you doesn't even feel like work. I feel best when I'm around you, so just, please wake up, okay? I don't know if I can even survive if you don't wake up. You're my home, Belle. You're everything."
I study her face, tears streaming down mine. After a long time, I lay my head down on her stomach, just listening to her faint heartbeat.
--
I wake up feeling fingers running through my hair. I look up quickly.
Belle grins weakly. "Didn't know you were so sappy, Dolan."
====
UNO MORE CHAP YOS
-m
YOU ARE READING
patient // e.d
FanfictionI sigh and sit next to her little bed. Her small frame seems smaller than usual, like the weight of her illness is sinking her down. I stare at her face, beautiful despite the tubes lacing around it. I grab her hand. "Please wake up," I whisper. "I...
