Noises

Trench

I wish.

Everybody does it, everybody hopes for the better, but me ? I just want a knife to split my brain and all my thoughts to fall off, the electric activity to stop , my central nervous system to break and everything left of me to be a cold blooded body in the infinity.

Or, maybe I want a gun, a revolver to blow my brains and to shatter my mind ,in this way I wouldn't have to wait ,I wouldn't grow old and have dementia, forgetting all my mistakes , I will die drowning in regrets ,but once you hear the "click" and the bullet spins through your head, none of that matters anymore.

I want to wake up in a week without sucking a lemon, without cold eyes gazing at me, without gun sounds , without the smell of rotten bodies, I just want a world without war. These are my dying thoughts, I am private Gerard Favre from the French XX Corps sitting in dirty trench somewhere near the river of Somme.

Everything I see is hurting me ,the body of my friend Pierre is resting right in front of me ,headless, the view is disturbing ,sun shining in the blood bath that is pouring out of him releasing a smell of burning iron which in combination with the mud that we are living in creates a perfect day of July, far different from the one's I had in my childhood . I thought that I would be more comfortable with death once I see it at every corner but I am more scared now than I ever was ,I can feel how fear take control over my body ,it begins in my stomach ,a force alike a hand is stroking my intestines then it moves onto my chest covering my hard hitting heart but it also give me energy, pumping my body with enough adrenaline to move into a safe place without half of foot. I think I figured out when you are no longer afraid of death, it's when the roses are already faded.

"Buzz", "Buzz", swarms of flying insects all over us, flies staying on our muddy skin with their tiny hairy legs making their annoying sounds ,mosquitos sucking the blood from my friends dead body, the view is unimaginable ,corpses being stranded in a no man's land ,grieved families who will never see their children again ,kids of my age are laying breathless right beside me .I fell miserable, haven't made a shower in weeks the mud is not covering just my body but also my soul, there is a saying that if you hit rock bottom you can only go up but for me it's just downhill from here.

What I got left ?Pray to God so my chances of survival to not be so odd ?No, I will spend my last moments imagining how my life would have been if I took the right decisions. I am thinking about her , but I can't focus ,she was living in the apartment next to me, "Boom" a mine just exploded, I wanted to say hello,"Aaaah" somebody lost both of his hands, every time I saw her was blissful ,"Ratatatat'' a machine gun strike 5 soldiers, I couldn't do it, when she was around me my palms became sweaty, a german officer observed me , I wish I was different, he is pointing the Gewehr 98 at me and.