Insane In Love

Inside Voices

I DON'T want to see her. I don't want to see her hurt anymore. She's been through so much and I might lose her, for forever. She's been there for me and all I've done is fail her. Why do I keep doing shit like this? I waste my life away on stuff that doesn't even matter and for what? Just so I can escape the darkness that has filed up in my mind since my mom has been admitted in the hospital. Now, turning on the ignition I drive out the driveway. Looking everywhere, I see everything in a new light. All the pine trees, full of vibrancy. The sky as bright as a robin's egg. And the wind swirling onto my skin through the car windows giving me this slight shiver. Wow have I been really doing that many drugs to the point that I feel like I'm in emerald city? Maybe so. Looking out of the window, I start to wonder again, about my mother.

What am I going to do about her? I should meet her right? That came out more as question then I intended it to be .Now looking ahead, nearing my prison, I call school. I decide to leave all this mother business for later. Speeding up a bit, I finally arrive to school, parking my Honda Accord. I get out of my car, grab my bag from the back seat, and start walking to the entrance listening to the Artic monkeys, feeling super badass.

So have you got the guts?

Been wondering if your heart's still open and if so I wanna know what time it shuts

Simmer down and pucker up

I'm sorry to interrupt. It's just I'm constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you

I don't know if you feel the same as I do

But we could be together if you wanted to.

Still keeping up with the movie playing in my head, I didn't realize I bumped into the school slut, Alexandra.

"What do we have here? Little Noel listening to the shit she calls music." She says, in a mocking tone. Ripping the headphones out of my ears.

I laughed a little, and a glared at her like I wanted to kill her with my bare hands right then and there. It's crazy to think, that I'm so cliché. The outsider that used to have a best friend and now she has turned on her and now everyone guy and girl wants some of her, physically and mentally. But I don't care anymore; I WILL BASH HER FACE IN.

Creating a crowd around us. Everyone was staring at us like we were created by Leonardo Da Vinci and fraught with alacrity, waiting for a fight to happen. I was still glaring at her, standing across from the spawn of the devil, herself.

" Do something bitch? I know I'm not the brightest cookie in the jar, but I can recall you hating me. So do something? "

That's exactly what I did. That bitch had it coming. I walk past her fragile body on the ground, with my head up high. Feeling like I have a purpose in life and nothing and no one can stop me. I didn't look back while walking, but I knew everyone was looking at me in astonishment, for knocking out the most popular girl in school.

Finally inside, walking through these hallowed halls, I find my locker. I get my books knowing I will be sent to the office in a minute or not, because everyone is too much of a pussy, to rat me out.

Walking down the hallways, to my creative writing class, I just feel chill. No worries at all. I take a seat, near the back of the class, not wanting to be noticed while the class piled in. I heard whispers coming from everywhere.

"Did you see Noel, punch Alex? "

"I heard Noel and Alex used to be friends."

" Didn't you see Alex on the floor? No one helped her up not even Noel; she's such a bitch. "

My lips turned upward, feeling important but still having a morsel feeling of sadness. I put myself in my own spider web of rumors, but I'm just finding what I truly am. I didn't like the fact that everyone bore holes into my head. But I'm still surprised I haven't been sent to the office.

"Noel, Noel, Noel. " All startled, I looked up at Mr.Belmore.

" Do you know what you want to do for your, science fiction story, due next week?"

" Yea, I might write about a girl, who destroys her enemies, with her electrifying powers." I said with a smirk plastered on my face, while looking at my classmates' faces that were filled with fear towards me.

"Oh ok, very interesting. I look forward to what you'll bring to the plate and don't forget the meaning of science fiction, so you don't get lost in your own imagination."

Well, ok what's that's supposed to mean? After that weird encounter, I start brainstorming. Then my mind started drifting to thoughts, I didn't want to think about at the moment. When can I smoke? Will I meet my mom today? When can I smoke? What does my dad think of me? When can I smoke?

I just want to see my mom, to be totally fucking honest. So I have decided to meet her. I just miss her so much and I owe her a visit and I just want to spend time with her. I can remember when she used to cook me my favorite tacos every Tuesday, we used to talk about school, boys, life and listened to music together.

When she got diagnosed, I felt numb. Soon she just stayed at the hospital, because her body wasn't responding well to chemotherapy. I used to visit her everyday, and every time I sobbed into her hand because that glow, that joy she once possessed was ripped out by a bunch of machines that will never give it back. She always told me: "Stay strong Noel, you don't need me. You are bound to do wonderful things in the future and you don't need me to be who you want to be. And remember don't let anybody say you can't do anything, prove them wrong, because I know you can. I believe in you and I love you."

It just brings tears to my eyes, to think that this wonderful woman that raised me to be who am today, is still alive and can leave in a matter of seconds and never come back. I want to make it up to her, even if it's during her last breath.

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I finally updated. I had major writer's block, but I finally came up with the chapter. I really like this chapter and I hope you guys do to.

I want to interact with you guys more, so have any ideas?

Oh and do any of you guys like the Artic Monkeys , I have a new found obsession with them at the moment and the song I mentioned was " Do I wanna Know?"

Anyways, vote and comment.

Stay fab, Peace out ~Sabrina