"Deep Purple" and Other Stories

The Scheme of Nutopia

The squirrels of Nutopia were ready. They had planned an elaborate trap for the human with the stick of sound and death. A few moons ago, he had ambushed Squeaks Manutius the Elder, killing him from afar during the dark hours. The squirrels had decided that this was the final straw.

The squirrels had studied the human, and had learned when he fulfilled his murderous desires. The ambush point was set at the Holy Birch Tree. The human had been using the tree to practice psychological warfare, defiling their tree with his amber fluids frequently. The squirrels knew that this task would need the best of the best to finish this job.

 The Elder Squirrels had decided to pay 13 acorns, 3 walnuts, and three-fourths of a cranberry to hire the best assassins on the market: The Gummi Brothers. Chip and Dale were trained in the art of human-hunting, and had survived multiple wars together. Dale was a chipmunk, which was useful because the human had not killed anything besides squirrels, and Chip was a flying squirrel, allowing him to swoop down from above onto his victims..

After receiving their orders, the brothers set up camp in the Holy Tree. After nearly ten squirrel-hours had gone by, the human entered the clearing. As per usual, he began his desecration of the Tree. Once he was done, the human snapped the clasp on his leg sleeves. Now was the time for the brothers to make their move.

Dale ran out from the base of the Tree, squeaking with all his might.  Distracted, the human bent down, unaware of the squirrel gliding down towards his neck. Chip landed on the human's neck and bit into an artery. The human began jumping and yelling, causing the blood spray from his neck to quicken. Finally, he fell over, dead.

Dale looked down, and saw the limp body of Chip in a large boot print. He screamed a squirrel-pitched cry of anguish over his dead brother, picked up the body, and returned to Nutopia.

Eight moons later, Chip was buried. Everyone spoke, ending with Dale's speech. "Squeak. Squeak squeak squeak," began Dale, who launched into a recounting of the heroic deeds of Chip Gummi. He spoke of Squirrel War II, The Battle of the Toads, and of course, Chip's final operation, The Scheme of Nutopia. FInally, the casket was lowered into the ground, leaving a mound of freshly dug dirt. The forest was saved that day, but sadly, Chip was not.