it's been too long (tronnor)

it's been too long

CONNOR

The light coming out from the window that I forgot to cover yesterday burns my eyes, forcing me to open them a little. I fight with the brightness as I blink tens time in a second. I finally adapt to the morning's sunlight, and roll a bit just to face the ceiling.

Only a strand of my hair destroys the perfect whiteness of the view, but I'm way too weak to blow it away, not to mention moving my hand to get rid of the curl.

I listen to the clock as it ticks constantly and evenly, listen to my breath - inhale, exhale.

My brain begins to work on its own rules, reminding me about the dream I just woke up from. It was colorful, very bright and jumpy. I don't really remember what it was about, I just remember being happy.

Fully happy.

I can't even recall the last time I felt this way. I mean, I am happy, but what does it even mean? I'm happy with most aspects of my life, I'm not happy with the full picture of it. It lacks a lot of things I've lost recently, it lacks the parts that used to form the perfect portrayal.

I move my body fast, but not too fast in order to avoid getting dizzy.

I look at my bare knees, at my hands put on them, and finally at myself in the mirror I once decided to hang on the wall right in front of the side of my bed where I always sit when I get up. I eye my body, my hair, and my eyes that turn out to be shining pretty nice today.

I smile to myself.

I smile, because it's just life. I smile, because there's only one life. One life, one chance.

I smile to warm up my soul and heart, to lose the pain and wipe up the blood pouring from the inside scars.

I smile, because there's so many reasons to smile. I can hear some cars driving by, I can hear some kids walking not so far from my house, I can hear a dog barking, I can remember the way the rain washes our world from what's wrong, I can see the sun shining, because a day is its turn to light up our lives, whilst stars take night shifts.

Still smiling, I stand up and approach the mirror. I make up my hair, amazed that it decided not to get completely ruined during the night and I look pretty decent. With a blink of an eye I turn to my left as I stretch my arms and neck.

After a few minutes of learnt throughout years moves, I sit by the table with hot coffee in my CC mug. It still amazes me how great it looks, the matt layer outside always steals my heart as soon as I see it.

I sip a bit of my lovely beverage as I open my MacBook. Coffee heats me up from the inside, burning my throat a little bit, but the fire turns into a pleasure.

I turn on the notebook app because I know I will have a need to write something as it comes to my head. I do not know how it happens, some words and sentences just appear in my mind when I do anything. Like really, anything. It comes to me when I watch TV, when I run, walk, take a shower, go to sleep, feed the birds that got used to coming to my little garden, lie on the grass, swim, drink coffee. Anything. It just happens completely out of the blue. So that I always have something I can write my thoughts slash ideas down on. Whether it's a napkin or notebook, it's my must have.

I didn't notice him coming back and standing my coffee on the table in front of me. Only when the last words are written down on some cinema ticket I -fortunately- found in my pocket.

"Can I read it?", he asks when his eyes meet mine, and he knows I'm done with writing for now. He always knows.

"Yeah, sure", I reply, and hand him the piece of paper.