it's been too long (tronnor)

blue a.m.

(a/n: only a month left, I'm not mentally ready for Note To Self)

CONNOR

"You stayed with me?"

These are my first words after I've opened my eyes and seen Tyler above me.

"Yeah, Con, that's what friends do." He smiles, combing my hair with his fingers.

I sigh rubbing my eyes with my hands, that seem to be puffy due to the sobs I'd let out before I fell asleep.

Feeling intensively numb I decide on staying in the current position.

I look up at Tyler. I only now notice how much he's grown up. He's more mature, more manly than child-like-looking, and even though his smile and laugh are as wide and loud as always, his eyes are sadder and bigger. He sees more, he wants more, he lives more and more. He's all more. The only thing that reminds me about the first time we met are his hair, messy and styled into his usual quiff, and happy but concerned expression on his face.

He hasn't changed, but yet he's changed a lot.

I wonder if he cannot recognize himself in the mirror as I can't recognize myself.

"I'm sorry if I ruined your day or something", I murmur.

"No problem. You can pay me back by making some dinner, boy, because my tummy needs it like in the very moment." He winks to me, and I can actually hear his stomach growling silently. "See?"

I roll my eyes and turn my head to the side where the window is.

"What time is it?", I ask.

"Like seven thirty."

"I suggest we go out and eat something. A bit of fresh air would do great to me."

We don't talk much this night. We waves me goodbye as he disappears behind the door of his new flat.

I call myself a taxi.

Then I call my mom.

There's a silence between us after she picks up.

"You seem to have lost hope, Con da bon", she says.

"I haven't, mom. I'm just really tired."

TROYE

I turn him around to be able to kiss him properly.

I feel his tears on my tongue, I wipe them away from his cheeks with my lips. I feel his body trembling.

Life hits hard, I know.

He resists slightly pulling back a little bit when I lick his lower lip begging for letting me in.

All your lights are red, but I'm green to go.

I'm so close to breaking into sobs that I need to shut my eyes in order to stop the liquid filling up under my eyelids. I only saw him this broken once and I really have hoped I'd never see him like this again.