Last night I left my home.
I left a house as well, but when you're constantly moving, it's hard to establish a house as your home. As for me, I've been to a total of sixteen foster homes before now. All within California.
A lot of people would think that amount of families was a bit unreasonable. I'm not a bad kid, I'm just difficult to have around.
For one reason or another, I'm tossed around more or less. Some foster parents get frustrated over my diabetes. For others, they consider it to be hard to deal with a kid who's had an extremely shaky past.
I stared down at my feet. While California smelled of salty air and board wax, Detroit smells like motor oil and poverty.
I decided instantly this wasn't a good move.
Everything happened so quickly. One moment I was sitting peacefully alone in my room, reading a comic and listening to a record. The next I was being ushered out into an airport taxi. I didn't get any heads up or anything. I didn't even get to say goodbye, considering I was home alone at the time. I left everything I owned. All of those tattered and worn out objects that others see as trash were treasures in my mind. Now they're gone, along with the memories tied with them.
The one thing I did manage to snag was the most important thing: my MP3 player.
Music had gotten me through everything up to this point. I doubted that it would fail me now.
"Jasper Anderson?"
I peeked my head up and walked to the school's front desk.
"Welcome to Maple Park High! We have a ton of electives here! You'll be taking French and-"
I began zoning and gazing down the hall. The receptionist handed me a pile of books and I was set off to visit the counselor.
"Hi Jasper, my name is Ms. Conrad.
I'm your guidance counselor. I've been told you've been through a lot, huh? Would you mind explaining your experiences?"
Ah yes, the dreaded life story telling. Great.
"Well. My father shot himself right in front of me as a toddler. Said it was my fault. Good thing I don't remember that though, as I lost all memory prior to age four in a car crash. That's where my mother and sister died. I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle, but unluckily, they killed each other in what could only be described as a domestic arms race. Since then, I've been shoved out of foster homes every four months or so. Any questions?"
She sat there a bit stunned and uncomfortable, blinking for a moment.
"No, no...you may go to your first class now..."
That would have been an easy task, but unfortunately I had dissociated through the directions to get there. So I slung my backpack over my shoulder and shuffled out into the great beyond of my new campus.
After a good ten minutes or so of searching, I darted behind the school in order to stay hidden from the security guards. I was mesmerized with who I found.
My charcoal hair was no match for his curly towhead, neither was my sickly pale skin to his sun kissed complexion. While I had patches of acne, he was graced with delicate freckles, framing his cheeks and nose.
"H-hey uh-"
I couldn't seem to get out a unshaken word.
He grinned.
"Need a light?"
I nodded. With any luck, it would calm my already fried nerves.
We lit up and he continued grinning and glancing over at me.
"My name is Jackie by the way. You?"
I smiled meekly.
"I'm Jasper."
"Dude, that name is fuckin' rad."
"Rad?"
"Yeah. Like, cool."
"Oh, uh- I was named that 'cause my eyes are green like jasper."
"Rad."
I nodded, not exactly knowing how to contribute anything further to the conversation and diverted my attention to my hoodie string.
"Sooooo, Jas, you're new?"
"Uh huh. Just got here from California."
"How about I show you around?"
I got to my feet, stomping out my cigarette and pulled Jackie up as well. He did the same with his.
"I'd love that."
We sauntered around campus aimlessly for awhile. He seemed to ramble on about something seemingly insignificant. I didn't catch what. All I knew was that I had company. Something I hadn't really had the first sixteen years of my life. But now that it was here, it was all that really mattered. Not whether I got to class. I was content for once.
"Hey, Jas?"
I looked over at the mention of my name.
"Yea? What's up?"
"I think I've talked enough about myself now. How about you tell me something about yourself? Like, your life story?"
"What do you mean, my life story?"
He chuckled.
"Like, how I was talking about my brother and my dad."
I probably should've been listening instead of going off into Jasper World again.
"I... I wasn't really listening honestly- I dissociate all the time and-"
He put his hand on my shoulder.
"Chill out kid. I do too. Do you want me to repeat myself or?"
"Yes, please."
"Alright. Well my dad kinda walked out on us when I was three. And then my brother-"
He sighed and paused for a moment.
"My brother tied a noose around his neck a few times. I think I'm gonna lose him everyday. I'm glad I haven't yet. Sorry, I'm a bit too open too fast. What about you? Your story?"
So much for his rambling being unimportant.
Along with that, this kid sure is open about his life. I might be partial to not talking about mine since telling people could get me in trouble with Child Protection Services. But still, I've only known him for all of fifteen minutes and he's telling me such fragile information.
Maybe he is like me though. Maybe he doesn't have anyone either. I mean, it must be hard to get close to anyone when your family member is suicidal.
Although some may say I've had a rougher time, that's no excuse to invalidate others experiences. Everyone handles issues differently.
Maybe he just needed to get that off his chest. I don't have that need anyways, I've told enough social workers my story for a lifetime of peer counseling.
"I'm not too comfortable like you. I just need some time to get to know you first."
He nodded.
"Understood. Anyways, this is your hall- can I get your number?"
I bit my lip nervously.
"I don't have one."
"Why not? Grounded?"
"No- it's just that I'm in foster care and we aren't really allowed to have phones and such. It's considered dangerous and stuff, ya know?"
"Oh- same time here tomorrow then?"
"Sure!" I beamed. Jackie gave me a small wave and I headed off into my classroom.
