Not Too Well

Entry 4: Part 1

On the morning of my train ride back to London, the first thing I saw when I woke was Rosemary. She was standing in the corner of my room, watching me intently with a clipboard in her hands. Looking back at it now, I'm not sure if she had just walked in or if she'd been in there all night, just waiting for me to wake up. All I know is that the voice she used with me that morning was sickly sweet––the same kind of sweet I've always used with children when I tell them a blatant lie.

"Good morning, dear."

"Um . . . good morning."

Her presence in my room like that was a little unusual to me. I mean, I knew she said she was going to miss me, but that much? Surely she had other guests to help that morning instead of waking me for my train ride.

"Are you ready for your bath?" she asked.

"What? I don't have the time to––"

And then I noticed the sun on her face from the windows.

And then my stomach dropped.

My train was scheduled to leave early, earlier than sunrise.

"Wait, what time is it?" I asked, shooting up to a sitting position. My eyes went to the door, but my suitcase wasn't there anymore. "Where is my bag?"

"Unpacked."

"What?"

My mind leapt toward the worst––that scary machine with the water, that boy who was escorted from the meditation session just for opening his eyes. And now my bag was gone. And I'd missed my train.

I could feel my pulse accelerate. They couldn't be making me stay. They couldn't just force me like that. This was a goddamn day spa, not an institution.

When I tried to jump out of my bed, Rosemary sprung into action, pushing me down on the mattress. I resisted, shoving her a little too hard in the process. As I got up onto my feet, she looked at me with shock.

"Lilith, that streak of anger you've developed is a bad sign," she said, shaking her head. "Not a good symptom to have."

"It is not a symptom, Rosemary! It's a biological trait! My entire family––"

She cut me off before I could finish. Despite it all her voice was still sweet. Wholly, thoroughly, disgustingly, saccharine sweet. "These behaviors are taught, not given, Lilith. The vices of the world are embedded within you much deeper than we initially thought. We just believe it would be most beneficial if . . . "

"No, no, no."

". . . if you just stayed a little while longer . . ."

But I was barely listening to her anymore. I moved toward the drawers, pulling one open with such brute force that it fell to the floor by my feet. Inside were fresh pajamas––over ten new, perfectly folded pairs of them.

And on top of it all, work files.

Dozens and dozens of work files.

The next thing I remember is Rosemary screaming for me to stop, and me glancing up and down for all of a second to find that the files had multiplied, now spilling all over my feet. My vision started blurring against all the papers, warping my sense of depth and direction. All I could do was stumble around the room, reaching to nothing, screaming over and over and over. I'm supposed to be going home! You can't just force me to stay!!!