Adopted By Hollywood Undead

Let's Forget Everything

Your heart beat gets shallow and your skin feels like it's being ripped off of your body. This is what a panic attack feels like. This is what I felt like as soon as we got to the bus. My body crumpled and nothing in the world matters anymore. Fuck everyone.

"Rebel? Kid are you OK?" Charlie asked as soon as we sat down. My head in my hands and my feet planted firmly on the ground, I shook my head.

"I can't." I said barely above a whisper. The guys all stared at me confused.

"Can't what? What can't you do, Rebel?" Danny said as he sat down beside me and rubbed my back soothingly.

"I can't do this, not without him. He has always been by my side through everything." I said as I closed my eyes and wiped the stray tears that fell down my cheeks away. They were not welcomed here, those tears were all dried up now. I cried them all out long ago. Danny ran his hands up and down my back lightly.

"No kiddo. You can't give up, you have us and we are family now." He said to me. I nodded slightly, the words not passing through my head and me not paying attention to him. I just did what he would want me to do, not what I really wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was cry, scream, and damn the world. I wanted the world to now the pain I felt right now and the pain that seeped from my heart and onto my hands. I wanted the guys to know I wasn't alright but I didn't want people to be beside me right now. I took a deep breath and rubbed my hands over my face.

"I'm fine. I just need to lay down for a bit. I'll talk to you guys later." I said as I walked to my bunk and climbed in. I layed down and put my headphones in my ears. Turning on 'the mortician daughter by black veil brides' I layed down and shut my eyes tightly.  Forever forget. Forget everything. He was family and he was my world. He cared and then he didn't.  He didn't care if he left this world, but it's not about me it's about him. It's about how he left this world and I will never get to look into his eyes and feel that familiar warmth that I knew was home. He was my home, the only place I knew I belonged and the only place I knew that I was safe. I can't have that feeling again. I won't feel safe and calm in his presence, I will never look into his eyes or feel his arms hug me when I'm scared. I will never know the feeling of his chest rising and falling as he hugged me and tried to get me to fall asleep. I will never again, fall asleep in his arms. I felt the tears trail down my cheeks and land on my pillow. Memories flashed through my mind as I cried. One memory stuck out more than the rest.

*Flashback*

"Rebel!" I heard the sound of my name being called along with the sound of banging on my bedroom door. I was 8 at the time.

"Coming Kyle!" I yelled to him. I quickly jumped off of my bed and ran to the door. I opened the door quickly and saw his tall and skinny frame standing in front of me.

"What were you doing kid?" He asked as I tried to catch my breathe from my quick jog. I laughed lightly and shrugged my shoulders. He smiled and lead me down the hall way to his room. We were in the orphanage, we were both dropped off here on the same day, just 2 years apart. Kyle was one of the oldest kids here and I looked up to him for that. We were a family.

"So, what ya want?" I asked him as he sat down on his bed. His feet were placed on either side of me and he was rocking back and forth slightly. He was a weird guy sometimes.

"I want to go to a store. And I want you to come with me." He said as my eyes lit up. I loved shopping with Kyle. He was so much fun, even if we did get into a little bit of trouble every once in a while.

"Really? What store? Is it a good one? Will it be fun? Please tell me Kyle!" I basically begged of him. My eyes lighting up the more and more that I talked and asked him questions. He chuckled and nodded his head, placing his hands on my shoulders as a signal to calm down for at least 5 seconds. I took a deep breathe and giggled for a few moments. He cracked a smile towards me and nodded his head.

"We are going to go get ice cream. It's a great store that a friend of mine works at. And I promise that it will be loads of fun." He said with excitement on his voice. I jumped up and down at the thought of getting to finally eat ice cream for the first time in months. My mouth watered at the thought of it and my stomach rumbled. We both looked down to my stomach and laughed, me a little embarrassed that he heard it. Quickly we stood up and went to go grab our jackets. I grabbed my over sized Misfits sweater that Kyle gave me and pulled it over my head. It was about 5 sizes to big but I never complained. The arms came down to my knees and I always had to roll them up bit I still never complained about it. The kids at school always asked why I would wear that one sweater all the time, and I always explained that it came from someone I loved. I knew they would never fully understand and that was ok.

"Hurry up Rebel!" Kyle called from the front door. I was a few feet away from him as I ran to the door and down the steps. Being the over excited little kid I was, I didn't think to wait for him or anything, but I knew my way around good enough to know where to look for Kyle if I ever lost him somehow. The sound of Kyles shoes echoed behind me. I looked back briefly and saw him panting to try to catch his breath as we ran. I slowed down slightly and let him catch up to me and grab a hold of my arm.

"Hurry up Kyle! You're so slow!" I complained as I tried to run past him and get him to move faster. He pulled me to a walking pace and glared playfully at me.

"Shush you, I'm the one with the money." He said playfully. I nodded my head and walked along beside him. He bumped into me playfully and grabbed me by the arm before I could stumbled. "Saved your life!" He yelled as he grabbed me. I laughed as he held onto me and we walked down the road. Soon a big light blue shop came into our view.

"Look Kyle! Is that it?" I asked as we got closer and closer to the building. He nodded his head as he opened the door for me. I walked inside and stood patiently at the counter for him. He smiled at another boy standing behind the cash register.

"This is Rebel. She is from the same orphanage as me." Kyle said to the boy. The boy had long, shaggy brown hair. It looked as if he hadn't showered in a few weeks. He was skinny and tall. His lips were a pale pink that almost looked like they were translucent. His eyes were so dark that they looked like a black abyss, nothing shown in them and they seemed to swallow the light and extinguish it. My eyes were drawn to his lip that was pierced and his ears that were stretched. He looked like he could be death itself. We got our ice cream. And quickly ate while we talked to the boy. I still didn't know his name and who he actually was.

"What's your name?" I asked as I took another lick from my ice cream cone. My eyes looked up to his almost black ones and wonder crossed my face.

"I'm Ashton, I'm 23." He said as he ruffled my hair. I put my hair back to normal and gave him a slight glare. Kyle laughed and ruffled my hair again. I leaned into his touch slightly and he smiled. We finished up talking to Ashton and started our walk to the orphanage. Kyle grabbed onto my hand and turned me around as soon as we got to the orphanage door.

"You know I live you like my own family, right?" He asked I he hugged me. I nodded my head into his chest. "I love you." He whispered as we walked into the orphanage. I nodded along to his words and smiled at him.
*flash back over*

That was the first time he ever said that we were like family and that he loved me. He was my family and I loved his and his very soul. My eyes were red and swollen and I wiped the remaining tears away. No one should see me cry anymore.

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