It was acold February night and I'm standing outside of the venue waiting for the doorsto open. It's my first Kid Cudi concert and for as long as I can remember I'vebeen fascinated with him to the point that some of my friends think I'mobsessed. I wouldn't necessarily call it an obsession but have you ever comeacross someone that spoke to your soul in a way that no one else could? That'swhat he was to me. I would never call it a sexual thing but it's like I almostwant to have sex with him just for the intimacy of the gesture and notnecessarily for the pleasure of it if that makes any sense. It was the craziestfeeling for me because for as long as I've known myself, I've always consideredmyself to be well straight so for me to want to go that far with another manmade me somewhat uncomfortable. I was gay for him I guess though but evensaying that didn't feel right because like I said it wasn't sexual. He was justso comfortable within himself that I guess it opened my eyes to some thingsthat had it not been for me discovering him I probably wouldn't have ever beenokay with. Just then the doors open up and the security starts letting peoplein. I get to the front of the line, they scan my ticket off my phone and I runtowards the front getting as close to the stage as I can. I'm now standingfront row in anticipation and my heart as racing as I can't believe that he andI are only moments away from being in the same room. I listen to the fansmurmuring around and all of the excitement is getting to me. Then suddenly someguy shoves me and as I turn around to face him, I could tell by the look in hiseyes he was already drunk. "It's fuckin' Kid Cudi bro!" He says to meexcitedly. "You ready for this shit?!" Nervously I smiled and said, "Yeah" ashe went on to ask me how I felt about his new album. "I loved it." I said. "Ilove everything he does." A lot of people had been in question over his newsound but I was one of the few that remained loyal even to the point I'd gottena little defensive at anyone who said anything negative about it. Most peoplefelt like if he's known for this type of music then why is he doing this but Iwould always defend him and say it's because he's an artist. That was part ofthe thing that made him great you know. He just did whatever the fuck he wantedto do and he didn't care what anyone thought about it. If he wanted to wear acrop top, he'd do it. If he wanted to make some trippy ass rock music, he'd dothat too and unapologetically at that and I really respected that. It wasalmost unheard of in hip hop music for someone to do the things that he did buthe always did them so well that no one would ever question him on it. Soonenough the lights in the building quickly shut off and the screams from all thefans were so loud that I could barely hear myself think anymore. As the musicbegan to blare up, my heart began to race. "Oh God, this is really about tohappen." I said to myself. My heart was beating so fast that I couldn'tbreathe. Then he arrives standing behind a cloud of red smoke and I was aboutready to have a heart attack.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
As the first song began to play, he flies like abat out of hell as he jumps to the center stage to grab the microphone and allthe people behind me started shoving and pushing me against the rail. Some ofwhich were grown men around my age and a part of me began to get jealous asclearly I wasn't the only male that he had this effect on. The drunken guybehind me eventually pulls me out of It, as he started wrapping his arm aroundme swaying to the song and at first I was mad because he caused me to lose myspot but then he started dancing on me and I didn't know what the fuck wasgoing on. In my right mind, I wanted to say man what the fuck are you doing butI didn't come there to get into a fight so I just let it be. Then suddenly ashe's throwing himself back against my groin, I felt my dick began to get hard andin my mind I screamed out WHAT THE FUCK? This guy clearly was straight too asfar as I could tell as he'd been trying to get with the girl behind me who wasnext to him the whole night so I didn't know what the fuck he was doing. A fewtimes I'd looked over at her, she looked just as confused as I was but I didn'tknow what else to do. He was so close to me that I know he felt it but itseemed as though he was too drunk to give a fuck. As Cudi kept performing,eventually I didn't give a fuck either and I let my hand slide down to hiswaist to see how he'd react but he did nothing. Does Kid Cudi turn niggas gayor something? I asked myself because this shit was so fuckin' weird to me. Cudialways liked to brag about his mojo being dope but this shit was almost unreal.As the night went on, I continued interacting with this dude as we'd look ateach other and sing in each other's faces to our favorite songs as he performedthem and it was crazy. There were a few times when he got so close to my facethat I thought he was going to fucking kiss me and what freaked me out the mostis that I kind of almost wanted him to. There were even a few times during thenight where this guy and I held on to each other by the hand and I didn't evenknow this fuckin' guy to be that intimate with him. It was just like Cudi justset off so much love in the room and it wasn't even about the normality of lovebetween just male and female but love amongst everyone and it only made me evenmore fascinated with the man responsible. How could one person's presence sparkthis much emotion amongst strangers who were all of different colors andbackgrounds and cause us all to love and accept each other despite of who weare, who we love and where we all come from. I'd never experienced anythinglike that in my entire life. When theshow finally ended, I didn't want it to be over. I stood there like a sad puppyas people began to file out of the place but just as enough of them did, Cudi cameback out and started signing things for the fans and my heart began racingagain. Damn, if only I thought to bring my CD, I thought. I could have ran tothe merchandise booth to quickly buy something but I didn't want to move andlet someone else take my spot and prevent him from meeting me. He walked overto where I was and as he began to grab and pull at things to sign I was losingit inside. As he began to smile my heart sank to the bottom of my shoes and Ifelt myself wanting to pass out.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
In desperation, I grabbed my phone and rippedoff the case so that he could sign the back and when he grabbed hold of my handto sign it, I felt my knees buckle from under me. "What's your name?" He said."Rashad." I said stuttering. He asked me how to spell it and I told him and ashe signed my phone he told me it was nice to meet me and I could have fainted.He moved on to the next person but even after I'd gotten my signature, I stillfound myself stuck there. There was so much I still wanted to say to him but Ididn't know how to. I wished I had enough for the meet and greet that wassupposedly after the show but I didn't. When he finally disappeared backstage Isighed as I knew at that moment I had to leave. I just wanted him to love me. Iwanted more but just knowing enough that he touched me was enough to get me byfor the time being. As I turned around, I noticed the guy who was behind me wasgone and I can't lie to you and say that I wasn't somewhat disappointed. I washoping after all that, I'd get his number or something but I guess it all cameto end after the lights came on and maybe it was for the better. The fact I waseven thinking that way alone was weird to me so I walked outside the buildingand as I walked out, I pulled out my phone and started admiring his signatureon the, it read, "To Rashad, your friend Kid Cudi" He called me his friend. Isaid to myself. He called me his friend. Even after I left the venue, I circled theplace quite a few times. I didn't know why but it was like something in the pitof my stomach kept telling me not to leave so I didn't. Everybody wasrequesting uber's out of there left and right anyway so I just decided to wait.I was freezing my ass off, I'm not gonna lie to you. I probably should haveworn a heavier coat but I wasn't expecting to be standing outside for as longas I did and it wasn't like I really wanted to go to a concert submerged underclothing. Honestly I don't think anyone does. So I sat on a stoop near by thevenue and I waited. Soon enough, most of the crowd had begun to dissipate so Ifigured maybe it'd be safe enough to leave. I started walking down the streetand I was so out of my mind that I ended up going the wrong way and ended uphaving to turn around. When I got backto where the venue was, I paused for a moment as I saw the stage doors open up.Then just as I suspected, there came Cudi and I was about to piss myself. I'mnot brave enough to try and go over there, am I? I asked myself. I wasn't but Iwanted to and I wanted to bad. Soon enough, I mustered enough courage andstarted to walk over there. Just as I did, a security personnel stopped me andtold I wasn't allowed to go over there. "I just...really have to tell himsomething. Please." I said. He told me no can do and I kept trying to talk myway over there but he wouldn't let me. "Aye man, let him through!" Cudi said.The security personnel let me go and I slowly began to walk my way over there,feeling my heart sink with every step I took closer to him. "What's up my man?"He says to me as he holds his hand out for a high five. "You enjoy the show?"He says and as I high five him, he grips me by the fingers to shake my hand ashe pulls me into a hug. "Y-yeah, it was great." I said stammering. "Sweet man,I'm glad you enjoyed it." He said. "You wanna get a picture real quick before Iroll out?" I told him yeah and I pulled out my phone, feeling embarrassed byhaving his picture as my wallpaper. He chuckled after he noticed it and said, "Nicewallpaper" approving of it and I felt that much better. I opened the camera andhe told one of the security guards to come over and snap the pic for us and hewrapped his arm around me as we posed for the picture and I wanted to die. Wetook the pic and after overlooking it, he asked me if it was okay and I noddedand told him it was great as he went on to tell me had to go now. I shook hishand one more time and hugged him one time before he let go and said "Hopefully,I'll see you next time." I nodded and said okay and then he went and jumpedinto the backseat of the SUV that was taking him out of there in a way that noone else could make look cooler better than he did and after he got situated hewaved to me. I waved back and as his car began to drive him out of there, Icould have died right then and there and been perfectly okay with it.
