God in the Octagon

Round 9

Watch out that you do not lose what we have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully.-2 John 1:8

I could feel the burn of the whiskey run down my throat. I didn't know how long it's been; whether I'd been drinking for just one week or an entire month. Jenny had threatened to leave me at least twice now, but I didn't care. My life had gone to hell, my son hated me for caring about him and I had lost so many friends, I couldn't live with myself. Alcohol helped me live with myself, giving me that slow relief that I needed. I drank in my room, the bottle giving me some relief that neither religion nor martial arts nor family could give me. Jenny knocked on the door.

"Jack," she sounded nervous "we need to talk."

That sentence scared the hell out of me, as it does with most guys. I didn't know what she was going to say to me, if she was leaving me forever or if she was going to say that she hated every fibre of my being.

"Jack, I'm leaving you. Not forever, just until you can get yourself back together. I'm gonna move back in with my parents and just wait this out. I'm sorry Jack, I just can't deal with you right now. Just remember, I still love you."

I heard her go down stairs, close the door and drive away. I didn't know my life could have gotten so low, but now I knew my life was the lowest ever. I was lonely, I was a relapsed alcoholic and I was as far away from God as I could have been. I was not worthy of anything I had achieved in my life; not my MMA belt, not my wife, not my son and definitely not being forgiven for everything I had done in my life. I took another swig of my whiskey and felt little worse about myself.

I woke up with a banging headache and the world was spinning more than it should be. I stumbled down stairs and started making a pot of coffee. I saw a note on the counter; it was from Jenny. I picked it up and read.

Jack, this is just in case you don't remember what happened last night. I don't know how drunk you were, but I just want you to know that I love you, despite all of your flaws. But I can't live with you, not while knowing what happened last time. I've told Jon what's going on and I hope that you can figure it out, hopefully through God. Call me at my parents when you've got your life sorted out.

Your loving wife,

Jenny

I knew I didn't deserve this kind of forgiveness. Jenny was an amazing woman in every sense of the word. I knew what I had to do. I put on my coat and walked down to my church, which took about an hour. I went there for forgiveness or maybe just to relive the past, probably both. I sat down in one of the pews closer to the front, closed my eyes and prayed for forgiveness and help. I couldn't comprehend how anyone could love me or forgive me, but I figured that if my wife, who was only human, then maybe, just maybe, the father who had created me and who I was taught loved me so much could forgive me, even if I couldn't see the worth in myself. After I left that church, I felt different. I felt revived and free, like a had just been woken up after being in a coma for a year. But I knew I couldn't go back to Jenny. She would never believe that one day I was a raging alcoholic and the next I was saved. So for a week, I spent my time between going to the church and praying, destroying or selling every drop of alcohol I had in my house and trying to figure out how to bring Jenny back. I finally decided that I would drive to her parents ouse and apologize, telling her about all that I had done in the week and what I now felt and how I had realized that no matter what her and Jon would always be the most important things in my life. I called a taxi and started to left. My driver was a 50 something yer old man named Abdul who had been a taxi driver for about 10 years. We had a nice conversation about our lives and I told him about what happened between Jenny and I and how I was going to apologize.

"That is very bold, sir." Abdul said, with a hint of a middle eastern accent. "You know, there is a saying I remember from my time in the military. It was..."

But before he could finish with his inspiration, there was a crash. My head jolted forward and hit off the dashboard. Everything went black. I opened my eyes a bit. I could hear people screaming, others yelling to get out of the way. I could make out the shape of someone's large black boot. I tried to move my arm, but I couldn't. I moaned something that even I couldn't understand, then passed out again.

I felt weightless, shapeless, like I was floating into nothingness but going somewhere. It was all dark, but then, just like someone had flipped a switch, a light came on above my head. I looked up, but quickly looked away. For such a small light, it was as bright as the sun. Then, I heard a voice."Jack Wyatt." It was a voice louder than a lion yet calmer than a lamb. "Jack Wyatt," it repeated, "you are home."