a very gay jacob x mattyb fanfic

well

       

We open: a dark, foggy morning, a Tuesday (always a fuckin Tuesday), barely visible (it's dark and foggy) mountains in the distance. A young boy by the name of MattyB stretches his arms. He walks outside to milk some cows or whatever farm boys do at 4am. He stretches his arms. I wish I had a chiropractor or some hot guy to crack my back for me.

Enter: MattyB's second(?) cousin, Jacob Sartorius. Also a farm boy with a remarkably similar haircut. "Hey, MattyB."

MattyB is startled. What is Jacob doing out here at 4am? What am I doing out here at 4am? Is time even real? What is the meaning of life? MattyB thinks. He's gotten off topic. Smh. He sighs and tries not to think about how close Jacob is to him. He realizes he hasn't even responded yet. "Oh, hi Jacob."

Jacob places his hand on MattyB's back. "You feel tense. Want me to help you with that?" Jacob asks softly.

Well fuck me in a flaming pile of hay, MattyB thinks. His cheeks heat up. "Uhh-" he stutters. "Sure."

This is getting oddly sensual; let's reset momentum. Pew pew. Okay.

Jacob lifts MattyB's shirt up to reveal his rock hard abs. "Wow," Jacob says. "These are some rock hard abs." Jacob punches them. His hand starts bleeding profusely. (There's always blood idk why there's always blood)

MattyB blushes. "I can help you with that." MattyB takes Jacob's hand and swallows it. Straight up full-on homo swallows the whole thing. His tongue fights for dominance over Jacob's hand. The tongue wins.

"You can take a lot," Jacob winks, not passing out even though the aforementioned hand incident is a thing that's happening. Jacob starts moving his hand around inside MattyB's throat. MattyB is enjoying this fisting situation and wants to try something a bit more frisky. He pulls Jacob's hand, no longer bleeding, out of his throat and pushes Jacob down to his knees. Jacob looks up, confused. "What are you standing for?"

"I stand for nothing, but the B stands for 'blow me'."

Jacob is startled. He starts blowing air onto MattyB's legs (you dirty people you fuckin thought). MattyB is pleasantly surprised. He's been sweating all morning. The cool air from Jacob's mouth is very refreshing.

Then Jacob realizes he never cracked MattyB's back. He stands up and punches him real hard in the back. MattyB hunches over. He now has scoliosis. His spine is also broken. Jacob has fists of steel. MattyB is hospitalized. Rest in pieces to his spine.