My Big Sister Is My Guardian Angel

Half a decade... WHAT?!

Dear Abigail,
    I can't believe today marks five years since you left us. February 12, 2012.. I will NEVER forget that day.

You were a good sister, even though we fought often. You gave me words of wisdom when I needed them. You may have only been 15, but you had a very wise soul. You didn't judge me when I came out to you as a lesbian. You didn't care. You were the first person I told when I realized I loved Taylor. You were my human diary.

I never seen it coming, I guess. You always seemed so.. happy. But, maybe that was my naive 13 year old brain seeing what I wanted to see. You needed me, and I wasn't there. I'm so sorry.. maybe if I had been there you wouldn't have left us so soon.

Abby, I'm graduating in May, and I really wish you could be there with me. I'll just pretend you are.. is there a heaven? Are you looking down on me right now with a huge smile on your face?

Taylor and I are still friends, but not BEST friends, you know? We still talk occasionally, but we'll never be as close as we once were.

You would be 20 next month. That's crazy. You were supposed to be here for my sweet 16 and I'm still kind of angry that you weren't. After all this time I am still mad at you. You left us! You hurt mom so much. Why? Abby! Why did you do it!? Why weren't we enough? My heart hurts everyday...

I don't forgive you, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. Because I do. That will never change. I just need my big sister right now..

                                Love,
                                Kellie