Plot bunnies of IMMINENT DOOM

The master & the maid - epilogue

She knows how stupid it is, but Honoka can't stop herself.

Once Central 46 has banished her from Soul Society, she will have nothing left.

Honoka packs her things, leaving nothing behind that will remind Jushirou of her, and takes nothing that will remind her of him while she is away.
It already hurts.
And that is only because she knows that no matter what, she will always remember him, even if she has nothing to remember him by. He is etched into her heart, and he has been an intrinsic part of her life for as long as she does remember.

She leaves in the dead of night, her Lieutenant's badge on her desk in her office; it's just that, neither of those things belong to her now.

She does not say goodbye. Not to Jushirou, not to Shunsui, nor Unohana or her Captain.
Instead, she leaves, her destination for the moment being Kiyou, in Saiunkoku. Perhaps she would visit Senka.

Honoka changes her mind when she is halfway into the forest that separates Wester Rukongai from Northern Rukongai, and decides to go to America instead.
She will take Philip Coulson up on his offer to help her whenever she needs it.

-

If she has to describe her feelings as she sees Coulson, she will most likely start with pathetic. Self-loathing is high on the list as well, and fear. But most of all, she feels pathetic.

She never wanted this. She wishes she could have stayed with Jushirou.

It takes a while, but eventually, she joins the Avengers. Mainly, she functions as a last resort - they all agree that sending a Shinigami into the front of the battle immediately is stupid - if the others cannot handle it.

-

Bruce is the first to notice the lingering sadness in her eyes as she watches the clear blue summer sky, and he is the first to notice how depressed she really is.
He brings her tea, and books, and tells her that sometimes, life does suck, and that she has to deal with it sooner or later. He tells her that nothing good will come from moping about, but that it's okay to feel like she does.

In short, Bruce is the first one to accept her since she met Shunsui.

Honoka begins to lock herself inside a room that holds only a piano, and the view through the panoramic window/wall is her only company.
She watches the city during both day and night, and soon enough, the others notice it.

Maybe it is because of the past that she cannot leave behind, or the future that seems so bleak without them, but she begins to notice how her Zanpakutou gradually stops trying to communicate with her. It makes her even more depressed, and she takes to sitting leaned against the wall, watching the city through the window.
That is almost the only thing she does.
No one says a thing about it when she leaves the room; they just hand her food and water, force her to eat and drink, and then they let her go back.

She catches herself thinking that she hasn't cried once since she left.

-

The battle is going to hell even before she gets there, but then again, that is why they called her in.

She stands there, Zanpakutou in hand, eyes and face looking utterly indifferent to the world around her, and she sees Aizen halt as he recognizes her.
The hard winds don't bother her, nor him, and she knows that every stupid reporter with a functioning camera is capturing this moment on live tv.
But she cannot find it in herself to care.
She feels numb inside.

Honoka blocks his blows, and he shows genuine surprise over the fact that she moves as fast as he does.
He asks things, she answers, no longer bothering to cover up the truth.
Because what does it matter, when all she's ever fought for is out of her reach?
And when she has him at her mercy, she looks at him, incapable of feeling even pity, or sorrow over the life she is about to end.