All I Ever Need

34

Bea.

I looked at Jho first and she mouted 'Loudspeaker mo please'. I just nodded.

"Bea, can we meet?"

"Yeah sure, Ricci. We can meet."

"Starbucks?"

"Mmm'kay."

"Okay. See you, later."

"See you. Bye."

The call was ended.

I looked at Jho. She was staring me like I did a very big mistake. Lol, what's with that look, Jho?

"What?"

"Anong what?!"

Luh problema ni Jho? Anong ginawa ko? As far as I know, wala naman akong ginawa na masama.

"What did I do?"

"Bea, okay lang ba talaga kayo ni Ricci?"

"Uh, Jho, ilang beses ko na sinasabi sayo na oo. Oo, okay kami."

"Eh anong nangyari?"

Pinag sasabi neto?

"Anong 'anong nangyari'?"

"Bea, bakit ang cold niyo sa isa't isa?"

"Di kami cold noh."

"If hindi, ano yung tawag niyo sa ginawa niyo kanina?"

"Umm, a call?"

"Puta ka."

"Ay grabe maka-mura oh. Parang wala tayong pinag samahan."

"Hehe sorry naman. Eh kasi naman ano yung ganap kanina?!"

"What's wrong?"

"Wala na yung I love you's? Eh yung tawagan niyo na 'babe'? Anuna?!"

Ohsht. What happened to us? Like, really. What happened?

I don't know what's going on in my life right now. Anong nangyari sa atin, Ricci?

"Oh? Diba narealize mo din? You better talk, Bea."

"We will."

»»

Nandito kami ngayon sa Starbucks. Sa Katipunan.

I ordered my Java Chip Frappe. And ganun din siya.

I don't know how to start the conversation. How can I start if hindi ko nga alam what's wrong.

"Ricci..." At last. I managed to talk.

"Bea." He answered.

"What's happening to us?"

"I don't know either. We're okay naman diba?"

"We are but..."

"But?"

"But nothing seems right. We're not talking to each other. We're not communicating anymore."

"So what's your point?"

"I don't know anymore."

"Bea..." Shit why am I so nervous? What is he going to say? "Bea, don't you think we started our relationship..." No please. No. "...too early?"

There. Great. Now I want to cry.

"No. R-Ricci. N-no."

I don't want him to see me cry. No. Not ever.

I can't take this anymore.

"I...I sh-should g-go. M-may gagawin pa a-ako. Bye."

Dire-diretso ako pumunta ng dorm.

Pumunta na ko sa kwarto ko. Humiga ako and I cried my heart out.

I heard a knock on the door but I did not say a thing. 

Naramdaman ko na may umupo sa tabi ko. It was Jho.

"Sometimes you can just have a break and breakdown. Cry your heart out lang. Nothing is wrong."

Panimula niya.

"Bea, what happened? I'm here naman oh. I'm your bestfried."

Bigla naman bumukas ang pinto. They did not said a thing but they just comforted me with a hug. I'm sure nakwento na ni Jho.

"J-Jho, I c-can't handle too m-much pain."

"Bakit? May ginawa ba si Ricci sayo?"

"No. W-wala."

"Then why?"

"I don't understand. A-anong nangyayari samin? B-bakit ganito?",

"Nag usap ba kayo?"

I told Jho, Jia and Maddie what happened earlier. Everything.

"Bea, I'm not an expert pero I think alam ko na ang problema."-Jho

Hindi pa rin nag sasalita si Maddie and Jia kanina pa. Maybe they're just here to comfort me.

"You do?" Tanong ko.

"Are you sure you're inlove with Ricci?"

Anong klaseng tanong yan?

"Yes."

"Bea, what if-"

"Jho, ayoko ng what ifs."

"Patapusin mo ko, Beatriz. What if hindi kayo inlove sa isa't isa?"

"Jho, ano ba yan? Anong tanong yan?"

Hindi niya ko pinansin at nag salita muli.

"What if inlove lang kayo sa relasyon niyo pero hindi sa isa't isa? What if you're not truly inlove with each other?"

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, your connection with each other is making you inlove and not the person? Yung koneksyon ninyo sa isa't isa. Dun kayo nakafocus eh."

Maybe Jho is right?

Maybe I'm really not inlove with Ricci.

Maybe I'm just inlove with our relationship.