Hold My Heart (Kellic)

Chapter 11

TRIGGER WARNING. And also . . . *cough cough smut cough cough*

I promised myself that I wouldn't do it again. I told myself that I would never cut again, for Vic's sake and mine. But what was I doing now? Contradicting myself, that's what. It was the first time that I had relapsed since Vic found out a week and a half ago. I couldn't help it. It was a full blown addiction now, and I couldn't just stop out of the blue. I knew that this was going to take time, but I wanted to try my hardest to stop. However, for now I couldn't resist dragging the cool metal across my thighs.

I was sitting in my bathroom in only my boxers, home alone, or so I thought. There was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Kellin? Are you in there?" Vic called. I started panicking. I couldn't let Vic know that I had relapsed. He would be so disappointed.

"Yeah, it's me," I replied, silently cursing myself when my voice wavered.

"Are you alright?" he asked. I swallowed.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute," I called out to him. I stood on shaky legs, I gripped the counter for support, accidentally putting my hand on top of the blade and cutting myself slightly in the process. I whimpered in pain, and instantly regretted it when I realized that Vic would hear.

"Kellin? What happened?" he asked anxiously. I didn't reply, but just sat back down on top of the closed toilet seat. My mind was racing. I just hoped that he wouldn't come in.

"I'm coming in," Vic said. Shit.

Vic cracked the door open and peeked inside. When he saw my legs he quickly came in and knelt down in front of me.

"Kellin . . . " he trailed off.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. Vic looked up at me with sad eyes.

"Where did you even get another blade? You told me that you took all of them to my house that day," he said.

"I accidentally left one. I'm trying to stop, Vic, but I can't," I said.

"Yes you can. I promise. Relapsing is normal. But the next time you want to do it, call me, okay?" Vic requested. I nodded, but I knew that I wouldn't. I didn't want to put my burden on him any more than I already had. I was surprised that he hadn't left me already.

"Okay. Let's get you cleaned up."

Vic found a dark washcloth underneath the sink and pressed it to my wounds. It stung a little, but I ignored the pain. Vic had positioned himself in-between my legs, and if I wasn't in such an emotional state, I would probably find it really hot. Okay, I still did. Vic placed his hand on my thigh awfully close to a certain area in my lower region, and my breathing hitched for a second. Vic noticed and a discreet smirk formed on his lips. When the bleeding stopped, he threw the washcloth in the sink and washed his hands.

"I'm really sorry you had to see that," I said quietly after several minutes of silence.

"Don't be," Vic replied. Vic came back over to me and held out his hand for me to take. I accepted, and we walked next door to my bedroom together. After turning on my iPod and putting it on shuffle, we laid down together on the bed, facing each other.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he played with a strand of my hair. I gave a slight smile and nodded. I was feeling better, but I wasn't really sure if I was okay. I hadn't been okay in a while, except for when I was with Vic.

"I'm alright now," I said softly, but I could tell that Vic didn't believe me.

"What made you relapse?" he asked. I bit my lip and closed my eyes for a second before answering.