Today was the day. The last time i'd ever see my father. My 'rents chose to split and I had no say in it because I was underage. A week after my dad left, I picked up my first pack of stokes and it eased my pain. It tasted weird at first but around the 4th one I realized how good it felt. I always enjoyed the smell of cigarettes, but I never smoked one because I thought it was bad for me. At least that's what my parents, and church taught me. They always acted like they're always right. Like they knew what I wanted and needed. They didn't know anything. They didn't care. If they did, they would've separated a long time ago, before I was born instead of making me get close to both of them and then take my father away from me. My mother never cared about my feelings, she only wanted to screw around with whoever she pleased and pretended like I didn't know. My father wasn't so great himself, He never put down his beer to talk to me. I know they "love" me, but they don't care about me. They don't even care about each other. I hate when they go to church and sit there looking so innocent like the whole world doesn't know about them. They kept sending me to therapy, but the problem wasn't me. It was them. A therapist won't help me, and they can't help me just because they don't want to. Not even God, or whatever these people believed in could help me. There was no one physically or spiritually that could help me. My mother was never home and when she was home, it's like she wasn't. I had to do everything on my own, my dad never gave us a dime and left us nothing to carry on with. This was also the year that I met "mr. self-righteous", Felix. He was so annoying, always preaching to people. Telling people to have faith, like if that would make people feel better. I don't know how fake he was, but I definitely didn't like him. This time, I started acting out in school and I left home. I lived with a friend for a while, but then I caught him stealing my money and I had to go back. I wasn't welcome, but she had no choice, because I wasn't 18 yet. She and I ignored each other. We'd inhabit the same house all day and never speak, or make eye contact. I never became an alcoholic because I didn't want to become like my father. It was around this time that I started talking to Felix. He started coming up to me, asking if I was okay. Eventually, I stopped ignoring him and just told him everything that was happening. He preached to me, as expected. I said I wasn't looking for a sermon, I just wanted someone to listen. I just wanted someone to help me figure out what to do from this point. I knew I was going to leave home as soon as I turned 18. I was already looking for a cheap apartment or something. I didn't want someone to boss me around and act like they knew what was best for me.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock and it will be opened for you. Matthew 7:7", He responded. I didn't know what this fool was talking about. I decided to ignore it. I didn't like talking about religion or feelings at all. It was a sensitive subject. Felix and I kept talking and we came to be really good friends. We liked skating and playing basketball. I was always a little afraid that he would be secretly judging me or something. I wasn't sure about Christians, since there were so many phonies. I'm glad I gave him a chance because he's really cool. I even went to his church a few times, but I didn't feel comfortable. I was expecting him to give me crap for not going, but he continued just the same. He didn't force me or anything. I was wrong about him being annoying. He actually believed that he could help people. I still thought he was so out of his mind, but I think he also pitied me for being an unbeliever. When I told him my name, Noah, he told me about the guy in the bible, the one that built the ark and saved his family and all the animals and stuff. I didn't tell him, but whenever he told me to read a story, I would. Just to read it. Just to know what he was talking about. I think he noticed my effort to be nice to him and we just became best friends eventually. When I
turned 18, I bounced. I lived with my cousin, for a few months. Then, he got engaged and moved in with his fiance. Felix heard that I couldn't afford the rent on my own, so he offered to help me find a job. No one wanted to hire me. Same as everyone and everything in my life. No one cared, no one was there, no one listened, no one wanted me around. Felix was the only one I could count on. He was the only one that offered to help me, purely out of love. I noted it, but I didn't wanna talk about it. I didn't want him to think I was a pansy or something. Finally, I got a job where Felix worked at a Christian record store. Not my first choice, but all i did was check prices and unload boxes. Not too complicated, and I was with my best friend. Felix and I got an apartment and we split the rent At first everything seemed normal, we moved in all our junk, got some furniture games and consoles, the essentials. We met the neighbors in front of us (who lived in very nice houses), I half expected to see them riding in a limo or something. Instead, they just had really nice clean fancy cars. They were nice though, whatever. I did notice one person in particular, Mr. Jay . I was getting the last of my boxes (Felix hadn't come home fro his shift), and I heard someone coming down the stairs of the buildings. There was this man with long, straight, black hair and a thin, wavy, black beard. Normal outfit, black t-shirt, blue jeans. He came down to greet me and he smelt of hospital beds and old wet clothes. I tried to ignore it and humored him for a while. His name was Mr. Jay, "call me Jay", he said. "are you just moving in?." "yeah," i replied. "right over there, number 25.", I said pointing to the apartment. Mr. Jay went on for a few minutes about how great the neighborhood is and he's lived there for a long time and never had problems with plumbing or anything. He finally, said his goodbyes as he had to go to work. Seemed like a nice guy, I thought. That was pretty much the only interraction I had with anyone that day, besides Felix when he came home.
