Too Much Love Will Kill You

Chapter 3

Roger's P. O. V

After a couple of minutes alone, I hear a heavy thud of a door being slammed, what makes me think Anita is gone. I've been in the kitchen while Brian and his wife discussed their relationship. I didn't mean to be nosy – that's why I left them alone in the living room – but to be honest, they were very loud and I overheard their whole conversation – if I can call it that.

Anyway, I couldn't help myself from noticing that Brian was the one trying to keep things civil between him and his wife. And I couldn't help myself from wondering if they are always like that. You see, Debbie and I are quite aggressive with each other, verbally speaking, but that's because we are both hot-headed and stubborn. In a way, I'm one of the troublemakers and therefore it doesn't tire me. I just can't imagine being the mediator in any kind of relationship or situation – It must be suffocating! I know from my experiences with my old friend and the many years we've been working together, he's not that saint everybody makes out of him. In the studio, for example, it was always Brian to be the first to stand up for his ideas or to simply lash out on Freddie every time he thought himself to be more important than any of us. I mean, Brian is quite the stubborn little thing when he wants to be. He is an ideologist and he never quits his convictions.

I never got to understand why he usually hides this part of his personality whenever he gets into a romantic relationship. Brian has always been timid, and it used to be way worst back in college, Queen's fame helped him become a little bit more confident though. I remember his first date when we were studying at Imperial College, and I do remember it took him all his guts to ask that chick out. And even after he did it successfully, with me encouraging him all the time, he used to do everything to please that girl. My friend just couldn't be his own genuine person around her. Within a few months, he got incredibly frustrated for trying to be someone else and started being a real jerk. I guess the poor girl got sick of him and had to kick him out in the first opportunity. Sometimes it seems like Brian hasn't found someone he feels comfortable to be himself with... Speaking of comfort, I should see if he needs something in the moment. A shoulder to cry on, a beer... Things like that can save a man's day.

I shake my thoughts off and I go back to the living room, and... Brian isn't anywhere to be found.

"Brian! Where did you go to? Come here, I'm in the living room!" I call for him, but I get no answer. I call him one more time, and yet I don't get a response. I'm really starting to worry myself up now. What if he left? He isn't in mental and legal conditions to drive. I peek out on a window, in which I have a good view of my driveway. His car is parked there, and he didn't have time to call a cab, what makes me think he's somewhere in my property.

I look for him upstairs, in the kitchen, in the laundry room... I even go look for him in the basement! He's not inside the house at all, and that doesn't make any sense! His car is parked in my fucking driveway! There's only one option left now: outside the house. I half-run to the garden, which my wife keeps in our backyard, and there he is. As soon as I stepped outside, I was met by the figure of a tall lanky man staring the nocturne sky. I was going to get his attention, but I decide to keep in silence, watching him. He is living a moment, and I don't have the right to interfere.

The man's back is arched forward as he crosses his arms over his chest – he looks defeated in a way – there's a feeling of melancholy hovering over his head as a ghost – ,and I could swear I heard one or two sniffs. Although Brian's image might seem an upsetting one to see, it was one of the most beautiful scenes I have ever seen. His mound of perfectly curled hair reflected the light of the shining stars and the full moon in the sky, and though I couldn't see his eyes at that moment, I knew they were shining a heart-breaking shade of gray. The guitarist observed the night intently, not even breathing regularly. Anybody would say he was going to witness the most important astronomical event ever with no doubt about their response. Back in the day, Brian told me that every time he was sad or simply didn't know what to do next he would stare up the skies for hours on end. The Universe's complexity, grandness and its billions of years of existence made him feel so simple, so small, and so young and mortal that his problems looked like a grain of dust – what afterwards led him to an answer. Brian is that kind of person who needs to make things into bits and solve them part after part. Somehow, the Universe helped him with that. These are his words from '78 during a conversation we had while we were stargazing on the top of his house's roof.