dont let the flowers wither | myg + jhs

to : my sunshine

To the one and only light in my life ,

           I know i'm an emotional mess , I know i'm not worth it , I know i'm pathetic , I know I don't deserve to live but then you came along , like an unexpected hurricane.

Sweeping all my insecurities and worries out of me. your storm made me forget all those negative thoughts, all those "bad vibes" , you swept my feet away with your ways , of how you changed me so fast , of how you manage to change my mood real fast when i'm at my worst , of how you make me smile without even trying.

I love your smile , your laugh , your voice , your jokes , your unconditional love for others , your passion for music , your effortless surprises , you.

I love how you would wake me up at around 2 in the morning just for me to hear your new song that you've stayed up countless nights for.

I love how you would cook breakfast for me even though I know you're not a good cook nor a morning person but you always do these stuff anyways.

but then,

since when loving someone can destroy your life? , since when did it hurt so much?

dont they say that love is something magical , something warm and fuzzy all over , something to be treasured and all that other bullshit? but what is this? Why does our love just hurt me?

am I a masochist for coping up with the pain? for loving the pain that we both inflict to each other?

Why cant we be like others?

Why cant I cheer for you , screaming , "Thats mine! That's my boyfriend , Jung Hoseok , he's my everything , my moon , sun , stars , everything!" Whenever you get a solo stage like how our fans cheer for you?

Why cant I hold your hand , clearly showing to everybody that you're mine , that we're two pieces put together and no one can separate us like how other couples do?

Why shouldnt we be seen by others eating out together , wearing the same shirt together , slinging my arm around you to assure you that you're safe here with me?

Why cant I tie strings with you and grow old with you? Why cant I see you walk down the aisle? Why cant I put a ring on you? Why cant I kiss you infront of our family members?

I admit , I'm jealous of every couple out there , I envy them even and I know I shouldnt be because we are different.

I know I shouldn't be because we're contented with each other. we are yoonseok , sope , hobi and suga , soul partners.

sad this may sound , but a cage is our safest place, a cage that the media made for us , and I think thats okay—for me. Because we dont need to think of anything else except for the both of us and the cage we're in. We dont need to worry about the media , we dont need to worry about how we'll act. We could compose songs , produce songs together , and dedicate them to each other.

And I treasured the moments when we were out of the cage. After your rehearsal , We'd go out to eat at our favorite stall just around the corner outside our building and we'll spend a long time filling each other up with silly jokes , stories , and unending promises of growing old together.

We'd sing stupid love songs to each other , serenading each other with light in our eyes all night until our throats hurt and go dry , until our eyes are filled with tears because we both know in what situation we are in now.