dont let the flowers wither | myg + jhs

to : my hyung

Yoongi opened the small box to see a letter and on top of it is a ring—an engagement ring to be exact. He looked at it , perplexed , fumbled on the box , and hurriedly unfolded the letter , almost tearing it into two.

to : Min Yoongi , my hyung

I know it all, taehyung told me. The letters that you hide on your glove compartment. How you would always go to our cafe , how you never give them to me because you think they're imperfect.

but truth be told , whatever you do is perfect for me. You dont need to try hard.

I'm sorry for this—for us. I really did love you. It's just that I dont like seeing you hurt , you crying every night just because of people hating on you—us.

I hope that you'll find someone better , someone who'll stay with you til the end , someone who doesnt ignore your calls , doesnt push you away , isnt a coward and will surely tell you how he feels right away. someone who'll make you feel important , needed , someone who'll buy you the stuff that you want , someone you can show off to people , someone who isnt afraid of people finding out about your relationship , someone who'll give you the love you deserve.

i'm sorry for not being there to wipe your tears , to hug you especially when you're hyperventilating , to kiss your wounds and bruises that you inflicted on yourself goodbye , to be the first one to hear your new tracks ,to watch movies with you , to stay up all night talking about our future , and most of all , i'm sorry for not being there when I know you need me the most.

please take care of yourself , stop being selfless and be selfish for once. dont bite your bottom lip nor clench your fist just to refrain from crying , because its okay to cry. I know its hard for you , as what I've said earlier , Taehyung told me. Its okay not to feel fine or happy at all , we all have our downs. experiencing happiness everyday can be scary , its better if you balance everything.

truth be told I miss you—us. bullshit you may think , because I , too , think its bullshit. after hurting you like this , I got the guts to say that I miss you , a prick—asshole , thats what I am. but that prick , that asshole who has the guts , really really misses you. he misses the movies you both watched , the jokes you both shared , the pain that you both inflicted to each other , the late night adventures you both did , the songs you both sang together , the kisses and heated moments you guys shared , everything. yoongi that person really misses you but he cant say it nor show it , and he hates himself for that.

talk badly of me , I deserve it. I hurt you yoongi and it hurts every time I think of it because when we were together , I hated seeing you in pain just because of me. Its okay if you wont forgive me , as long as you know how I feel , it'll be okay.

you'll be okay , trust me.

keep on chasing your dreams , never let go.

I'll always be here.

I think this is the day in where I decided to give the letter—the same day that we broke up with such little and stupid reason—at the same place in where we met and loved to go to.

and heres what I wanted to give to you for a long time but I wanted to wait until you're ready. then it turns out that there wont be a time in where I'll give this to you. I wanted to know the feeling of kneeling down on one knee and popping the question and I wanted to do it with you—but because of what happened , I think that will stay as a vision , a dream.

never lose the sparkle in your eyes—the sparkle that made me fall for you harder ,
your smile that stretches out your cheeks—in which i love ,
your influential laugh—that brightens up my day ,
your talent—which is worth noticing ,
and most of all , dont stop believing , and loving yourself.

will you let me say this to you once? (well this is written whatever) since I havent got the chance to say it when we were together. I just feel like saying it to you , It's the one of the millions of questions that I failed to ask you.

Min Yoongi , will you allow me to waste more of your time exchanging cheesy pick up lines , jokes , kisses , i love yous , vows , and promises?

from : Jung Hoseok , your sunshine.

        He felt crying again , his tears threatening to come out and drop on the handwritten letter that hoseok left along with the ring. he never knew , they've talked about marriage for a few times but not up to this point of commitment.

he feels more broken than before , his chest clenching and unclenching. he slid the ring on his finger and clutched it close to his chest—because he knows that this item keep both their feelings in secret from the public , that this contains their memories , the moments they spent with each other and the unspoken words that neither chose to say and instead , wrote on a piece of paper.

the ring itself is a message from hoseok saying that yoongi was not alone and he's always there , that hoseok actually thought of spending his remaining life with him, that hoseok loved him so much that he etched yoongi's hand—or yoongi in general—on his mind that he bought a ring that fits perfectly , and that yoongi should move on and accept the fact that some things wont go the way he wants it to be.

         Yoongi fell asleep while clutching his hand with the ring , the floor damp with his own tears. when will yoongi sleep without crying? when will he stop thinking about hoseok? yoongi wasnt so sure of this but he was certain of one thing , he still loves Jung Hoseok.

       Hoseok tossed and turned , shifting his gaze from the window to his lover that was sleeping peacefully next to him , silently wishing that it was his ex , Yoongi. Knowing yoongi , he was probably asleep at this hour. He closed his eyes , trying to fall into a deep slumber but he just cant seem to grasp it. sighing , he sat up and got out of the bed quietly , making sure he wont wake his lover.

He remembers faintly of how he used to stare at yoongi's face when he was asleep , the moonlight touching his features , and him tracing the outline of his face gently and etching him into his mind. He really does miss him. He made his way to their bedroom's balcony , staring at the moon that keeps their fragments and fragments memories—their fights , promises , wishes , sexual moments, and their love for each other.

"I wish you the best" Hoseok whispered to no one in particular—maybe perhaps the wind?—just like how some things are better off unsaid. He sighed and sat down cross legged on the cold tiles , remembering those moments in where he and yoongi watched the sunset , their hands intertwined to keep each other warm.

He got out a wallet sized photo—their first photo together. He laughed at the recollection of how he and yoongi fought over the photo—the one who'll keep it , and fortunately , hoseok won the argument. He looked at it with sadness in his eyes , knowing that what once was cannot return , that yoongi and hoseok , sope , soulpartners , will just be a fragment of each other's memories , soon to be forgotten.

He fell asleep on the balcony floor , hugging the photo , the memories , the stray feelings he still has , hoping that all of it will be forgotten the next day like how his dreams fade as soon as he wakes up.

He wished to wake up from this dream.