dreams ✧kevin trapp

two

i'm yelling at the top of my lungs and we're having a fight. i can feel myself cursing and the argument is heating up. i don't exactly grasp what i say but words like "you're not worth it" and "i hate you" are what i can make out as they're repeated continuously. i don't even know if i mean them anymore.

"you know what? i probably shouldn't care..just like you never did." she would always repeat.

and when the argument reaches a maximum and i've crossed my limits by calling her a bitch, i'm cut mid-sentence as she stands on her toes and glides her hands harshly across my cheek.

before i can even react, she's already headed to the bathroom door and has slammed it shut behind her.

my cheek stings from her slap, and i'm sure it'll turn a good shade of red, if only just for a while. i'm really furious; i may have deserved it, but she has no right in the whole world to slap me. overreacting, just like her usual self.

"lena. open the door, lena." i try calmly, but the door doesn't bug open. "lena, i said open the door! just stop overreacting!"

"LENA, JUST OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!" but she doesn't, which just pisses me off, and i find myself for no reason slamming my fist against the wall beside the couch. the punches have caused my knuckles bruises, but i just ignore the pain.

i slide my back and rest right beside the couch on the floor and wait. "if you don't open the door, i'm gonna kill you."

it doesn't take her long to open and she looks scared. is it because of me? i highly doubt. my eyes trail to her hand, where her fist is clinched tight against something. she catches me staring and hides her hands behind her back.

"what's that?"

"it's none of your business." she murmurs.

"it's my house sweetie, everything's here my business." i point out.

"oh, fuck off trapp!" she waves her hands up in the air and that's when i see it; a blade.

"what are you doing with a blade, lena?" she is startled by how i knew but soon noticed what she's done. "put it away, lena."

i softly say as i inch forwards forwards towards her. "get away, kevin. don't come close."

i just ignore and keep moving. "kevin trapp, i swear to fucking god if you don't move away, i'll drag this blade across my wrist and you'll watch me bleed to death, helpless."

she can't do that. i think. i hope.

but life isn't fair; and i am totally horrified as i watch her in slow motion, how the blade glistens by the reflection of the lights, the looks on her face, how the blade slices her wrists, and the blood oozing out of the deep gash she has just caused herself.

in horror and absolute fear, i yell as she drops to the floor and i am right beside her cradling her. am i crying? i don't know. i search for my phone and dial the emergency number. I've got no idea what to do in situations like such, and she knows so.

the colour is slowly starting to drain from her beautiful face. my whole body's trembling and i may lose it at any second.

her lips tremble as she utters something. "why, kevin? why?"

and i suddenly jolt straight off the couch, sweat trickling off my forehead, not comprehending what's happening.

why, kevin? why?