Barely Bones

Barely Bones 8

Chapter 8, Part I: Sandwich

She was staring, and I hated that. I was self-conscious enough as it was, and the searing moment when Ess gasped at my tank top-clad thin frame was more than enough to shatter me.

"Ess?"

"You've lost so much weight since the last time I saw you? How much do you weigh now?"

Don't cry. Don't cry. If you start crying, they'll reel a damn sandwich and a mug of the fattest Starbucks drink into the room and force feed you.

"Ess, I don't have an eating disorder."

She was clutching her stomach, eyes wide.

"Ess?"

"I'm not joking. How much do you weigh."

There was no getting out of this. "A hundred and two."

Her hands moved up to cover her mouth as she gasped. "You can't be, not at your height!"

There it was. There was the judging in her tone, and every perfect image I'd built in my mind of her shattered. This was not my beautiful best friend who'd stuck with me through all this shit.

All hell broke loose when Cameron anxiously poked his head through the door, saying, "I heard screaming, are you guysー" and then widening his eyes when he saw me.

ー

Chapter 8, Part II: Vein, Vain

"Please let us help you," Cameron begged, hugging me aggressively. "Please. You're barely bones."

"I'm notー"

"Not what?" Ess barked. "Not unhappy? Not anemic? Not unhealthy? What the hell happened to you?"

You two happened. I put you in the spotlight, and I was so in love with this trio of friends that I lost my way. I have practically dissolved because I forgot about myself.

And then, something snapped inside me.

Real friends wouldn't have reacted like this. Cameron had just gone through a similar issue, and instead of honing in on him like he was a circus animal, I did all I could to help and begged the universe to patch him up. Because I loved him.

But at this moment? Not so much.

This was not what I had abandoned my mother for.

Shoving Cameron away, I hissed, "You know what? Both of your ways of showing concern are complete and utter shit. I didn't come here to be judged. I came here to visit my twi favorite people, but right now I can't see them."

Just then, Sebastian chose the perfect moment to burst into the room.

"Umm, I heard yelling and Iー"

"Sebastian," I muttered through gritted teeth, "please drive me back to the motel."

"What the hell?"

Ess let out a choked sob and grabbed a box of Kleenex from her nightstand. "Don't go, not because of this."

"I didn't mean to... I, um, look, I'm sorry," Cameron added.

I grabbed my soiled shirt from the floor and glared at Sebastian. "Can we please go back?"

He looked at me, then Ess and Cameron, then back to me. Surprisingly, he was the first to not be shocked at my figure.

Finally, with a huff, he replied, "Sure."

ー

Chapter 8, Part III: The End, It's A Sad One

A lot of ugly suburban houses rolled by as Sebastian drove Gwynn and I back to the motel, but I was mostly focused on the day behind me.

I thought of how Cameron had smiled at me countless times at the water park and how genuinely happy he looked for the first time in so many years.

I thought of how Ess and I had instantly bridged the gap of a three year absence with unremarkable anecdotes and bad jokes.

I thought of how neither sibling had bothered to stop me as I stormed out with Gwynn and Sebastian calling my name and begging me to let them help.

Looking back on it, this whole thing was just a stupid idea. Perhaps if I'd spent more time focusing on helping myself rather than attaching myself to the people around me, I wouldn't feel as shitty as I did right there in the backseat of Sebastian's car.

After a while, I sat up, leaned onto the back of the passenger seat, and mumbled, "Do you guys think I royally screwed up everything?"

Sebastian sighed, and Gwynn replied, "Not everything. They were being pretty pissy, I must say, but they'll forgive you, and you'll forgive them. It just works like that."

"If you all were real friends, it won't end there. I'd be more worries about the phone calls you guys are going to make than today," Sebastian added.

I looked at him, then Gwynn, then the speed limit sign we oozed by. We were going twenty miles under.

I smiled. "Thanks."

And then I fell asleep, because I was just too tired and sad to deal with anymore shit.

ー

The End

February 1, 2014. 2:41 am.