Twilight Parody

"You're impossibly slow, and weak. You're skin is, extremely tanned and boiling hot. You're eyes never change colour and sometimes you speak like a posh scientist. You never go to the toilet; hail never knocks you out. How old are you?"

Bella could feel Edward's presence behind her, his heat radiating off his skin.

"Seventeen."

"How long have you been seventeen?"

"About fourteen years."

"I know what you are."

"Say it, out loud. Say it."

"A bunny rabbit."

"Are you afraid?"

"No."

"You should be!"

"But I'm not."

Just then, out from behind the whistling trees, popped a little seven year old boy called Taddy. He held a shiny stereo in his firm hands. His muscles were unbelieveable. He had stunning brown eyes with beautiful long eyelashes. He had soft light brown hair and he was wearing a football kit. Then he said, "Guys! Check this out!" And he turned on the stereo, singing "Spiderman! Spiderman! Does whatever a spider can!"

Edward and Bella just stared at him, confused, and then Taddy came speeding towards Edward and kicked him where the sun don't shine! "Take that, dude!" Taddy said. Edward growled in pain.

"I'll go now! I'll go now! Please, please just don't hurt me!"

"Ok, goodbye now!"

Edward sped off, terrified of the little boy. Bella turned to Taddy. "Oh Taddy! You're amazing. I love you."

Bella leant down to kiss Taddy who turned to put his bum in her face and farted. Braaaahhh braaaaahhhhh pppppppffftttt braaaahhhh!!!!!!!! That's what it sounded like.

"Sorry, Bella. But you're too old for me," Taddy smiled, then marched off, leaving Bella in tears.