love like this

Are we okay?

There was silence in the house.

The TV was playing quietly in the background. Connor's keypad was clicking as he typed. Chicken sizzled in the pan where I was making dinner for us.

It wasn't a comfortable silence.

It wasn't awkward either. 

We hadn't spoken about this morning at all since he kissed me. We'd spent the day making out and talking about anything else. 

But I wanted to talk about it. I needed to know what he was thinking. He was so closed off sometimes and it was hard for me to understand how he was feeling. 

I threw the knife I was using down with a clatter and abandoned the food. Marching over to the sofa where he was typing, I sat down suddenly, making him jump and look up at me in surprise.

"Troye? What's wrong?"

"We have to talk about what happened."

"What?"

"Are we okay?"

"What do you mean are we okay?"

"Connor, I cheated on you. You cheated on me. It's not a small thing that we can just forget about and move on from." He sighed and pushed his laptop aside so he could shuffle closer, taking my hands in his. He was silent for a moment, his eyes searching mine.

"Troye, I love you..."

"I love you too." I cut him off and he smiled at me before continuing.

"I love you so much, more than I'd ever thought possible to love someone. I know what I did was bad. I know what you did was bad. And I know that it'll be hard to get through this. But I also know that I want to. I want to get through this. I want to be with you."

"But?"

"But it's going to take time."

"I don't want to take time. I want to be okay now." I told him and he nodded, leaning forward to kiss me gently.

"I know. And I want that too. But we have to work hard to be okay. There's tension in our relationship, both from what we did and from being apart all the time."

I sighed and dropped my head, staring down at our clasped hands. I understood what he was saying. I did. But I wasn't sure what to do about it. I wasn't ready to up and leave Australia permanently and he had no intention of leaving LA. We were at a cross-roads and not sure which way to turn.

"Troye?"

"I love you, Connor. I really, really do. But..."

"But what?" I looked back up at him, seeing the fear in his eyes.

"But what we both did, may have been fueled by alcohol but there has to have been some seed of want already buried for us to act."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that, even though we love each other, this relationship is cracking. I know it and you know it."

"Cracking? Troye, I..." I watched him scramble to find the words just before I leaned forward to press my lips against his, hard enough to get my message across; that I really, truly love him.

"I don't want to end up hating each other."

"I don't hate you, Troye. I could never hate you. Where are you going with this?"

"Maybe..." I sighed and pulled my hands away from his. "Maybe we should think about taking a break."

"A break?"

"From being together. Maybe if we try being just friends for a while, we can try to fix what's wrong with our relationship."

"Wha-? But Troye, I don't want to be 'just friends' with you. I want to be with you. As your boyfriend. I love you."

"I know. And I love you too. But I think this will be better for us in the long run. We should spend some time apart. And if, in a few weeks, or months, we still both want to be together, then we can try again." I had tears spilling down my cheeks as I spoke and I blinked to clear away the new ones forming in my eyes. I sniffed and wiped my hand across my cheeks.

"Is that really what you want?" There were no emotions on his face as he watched me.

"I think so."

"Yes or no, Troye. I can't deal with 'I think so'." I took a moment to consider everything, taking a deep breath before I answered.

A/N: ...*gasp* a cliffhanger!! What do you think Troye's answer will be?