rants and vents

rant #1 fake friends

a/n: sorry about this. It's all over the place and makes no sense .  Also sorry for my bad English. This was only 323 words long... sorry?

I don't have friends. Never did.  I was the kid who would rather write and read to care for other people. But the warm hug they would give to one another and the smiles that were not fake made me feel so empty. When moving schools I tried to be a good kid. Did my work was nice to others. People even called me their "friend". That was when I learnt that friends were not what everyone said they were. "your worthless" "a waste of time" "waste of space". This is not friendship. Not at all. Instead it was something I knew. It was bullying. The type that you cried about because your not strong but would never tell because you were scared they would hate you and you don't want to be alone. I'm so tired and so useless. Never in my life have I wanted pity so much. Someone to say "you poor thing" and to hold me close. But instead I'm slumped over a laptop telling a online book that no one will read about my feelings. So pathetic. It is plan to see I'm in pain. But no one cares. All I am is a waste of space so who would? If I was told what friendship was I would have ran away from every kid. I don't like my new friends. They are smart, good looking, rich and have no idea what they are doing to me. I'm stupid, ugly, broke and still have no idea what trust is. I wish I could go back to my old self and say "don't be yourself around anyone don't talk to anymore and NEVER get close to anyone" so I could turn back.....but my mistakes have already been made...and there is no turning back