New York Diaries: Gianna Maphis

Introduction

I'm not the "popular kid" nor the "genius that will go to Harvard" I'm me.

I don't know how to describe it but every single day I feel lost, like I know nothing not even about my own life. At times I feel like I'm the ugliest, fattest girl in school, like no boys will ever like me, sometimes I even feel like my friends find me annoying and would rather hang out with each other than with me, I find myself believing that more every single day.

They call me a "drama queen" but I swear I'm not, its just sometimes people get to me, specially when they're my friends.

One of the things that bothers me the most is Samantha. A mentally challenged girl who only knows how to be happy by torturing others, trying to take everything away from them. I see her every single day, laughing with all of her friends, just there. She doesn't have to go through what I go through, her life is easy.

My friend Christen I feel like is the only one who gets me at times, she knows my story, how I do things. She's almost just like me. She gets what it's like to be a good person, yet have people not see that and live in a shadow for the rest of your life. 

My friend Tana, she confuses me, I'd probably consider her "my other half" and "the one I trust" but, I just know she doesn't feel that towards me, how can you give something everything and expect nothing? I know that's what you should do but in cases like this it can get you hurt, badly. It happened to me before.

I'm not a pretty girl, I'm not gorgeous, stunning, nothing like that. Most of the girls in my group would agree Tana is, sometimes I feel like I live in her shadow, I don't blame her though. I'm the one who chooses to stay there but i'm slowly turning into the shadow.

We once went to a party, all the boys seemed to look at her. She's like a shooting star, when she passes by they all look at her, but no one seems to be able to catch her, well not most of them. she's relatively young, 16 but she's probably had more lovers than birthdays, she's just looking for what she wants. I guess doesn't want anyone, she wants someone really special. I love her, I feel like I can trust her with my life, but sometimes she's complicated and I feel like i'm nothing to her.

Christen. Where do I even get started, she's great, she really is. Whenever I'm down my friends usually ignore me but not Christen. She doesn't give up on me and that's how I like it. She will sit there for hours talking to me, trying to make me feel better, trying to get to the problem. I didn't believe people like her existed before. She's also great with friends, she's really funny and knows what to say.

Finally, there's Sarah. Sarah is like the mom. She always knows what to do and gives amazing advice. You'd be smart to have her as a friend. She's also great to party with, its like its a part of her that never seems to fade away. She is also a great listener but she can be harsh at times.

Any story you read people will say " My story is different " it is, but they forget to mention everybody's story is.

My name is Gianna and my story is still being written, but I can tell you its different.