Love doesn't exist for me it sucks

When you find her

Well sorry I haven't wrote much lately I have been busy with school and stuff like that so here is what I got so far.
I think I found her the one I'm trying to take my time and not rush it but make it go faster if that makes sense. Well I found this girl and we have been talking and stuff like that and it turns out we like each other and we started kissing. Lol I'm happy because that was my first kiss and it turns out that I'm a great kisser at least that's what she said. Then a couple days later I asked her out but she wants time to think about it so I'm cool with that just scared that she will say no and then just leave. If that happens idk what I'll do it will just hurt me so much that I might do stupid things. You know how at least everyone remembers there first kiss and how they really loved that person they shared it with then that person left which destroyed them in a way well it's kinda like that so don't question it ok. But she said that the reason she hadn't said yes is because she doesn't want to screw things up and that way we weren't dating in the first place which I understand that but we act like we are dating already so what's the point it's still going to do basically about the same things. But all I can say is I can be patient and wait on her opinion but I'll still sit here loving her the same amount no matter what if not more. I really really love her and even made a poem for her that she loved lol it nearly made her cry which made me happy because that shows she cares am I right. But that's been my life these past days that went by.
Just a heads up idk if I'm going to keep writing my other book I don't have the time and im not good at story writing so unless u have ideas tell me.