Thin Line

A/N: I'm trying out a new story, and I hope it will work just fine. Just a reminder that the italicized part in every beginning of a chapter is an entry from Dylan's personal notes and poems and is not part of the narration of the story. And the date on top of Dylan's personal thoughts are sometimes not the date of the chapter, it can just be the entry of Dylan on that date but not exactly the date of the chapter. (get it? lol) Hope you can appreciate this story because it tackles about life in hollywood and  it has a deeper meaning behind. Thank you. 

April 3, 2011

In hollywood, it’s hard to stay loyal. I don’t even probably know someone who stays loyal to his/her current lover—and that includes me.

You may call it as a job or only as acting, but it’s still a form of cheating. It’s an action that paves way for cheating, a betrayal. Hollywood is the dirtiest place in the world, everyone might have confused it with being glamorous, but it’s all fake. I mean for god’s sake, we’re actors, not role models. I don’t even get why people uses us as their role models in life, we’re all fucked. No one should be dreaming of becoming like me because it’s like wishing for your identity to be tainted by all these illusions.

I am an actor living in the City of Angels called Los Angeles. Everyone tries out to achieve their dream, to gain popularity, to be known publicly in LA—what kind of bullshit.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t wish for this. Hell, even now, I wouldn’t wish for this. It just so happened that I was discovered walking in the slums of New York City and I saw this as an opportunity to gain an income since my family needed the money. This was all just a favour to my family—but I also found out that acting was a passion of mine which sucks big time. Acting as a passion is difficult because I couldn’t leave it. Having acting as a passion is difficult because everyone I work with doesn't have the passion for it as I do.

And since that I couldn’t be who I really wanted to be; being an actor enabled me to step into the shoes of different characters. It made me feel alive that for the duration of several tapings, I could be anyone else but myself. The problem is that, acting as a different character evert year and movie made you unsure of who you really are. Kind of sad that I turned out to be a messed up asshole stuck in the wrong place.

But it’s all right, I’m used to it and I just have to keep going. 

“You broke up with Gianna?!” Owen exclaimed, obviously affected and surprised by the news, while I on the other hand, couldn’t care less so I just shrugged my shoulders as I leaned deeper in the couch. “Dude, you just started dating with her like what,” he stopped with the introduction of what I’m feeling would be a lecture to think. “One week?”

“And you’re implying that…”

“That’s like a short time to date someone like Gianna! Bro, you have broken up with two celebrities this month, do you know how much will that affect your reputation?!”

“Owen,” I took a breath as I stopped eating chips for a while to talk. “You sound so much like my manager, so dude, please stop.” 

“What I’m sayi—“

“Look, how many times do I have to tell you this? I don’t care.” I then stood up and grabbed my jacket to indicate that I’m leaving. “Don’t pretend like it’s a bad thing just because you’ve been dating Sofia for six months. It’s not my intention that they keep on coming to me and would expect that I would take them seriously. I mean, seriously? Who takes things seriously in Hollywood?” I said with a tone that would imply mockery and dry humour.