"I'm sorry for being a jackass."
"This is honestly the last time I can do this. I'm done with everything. It's like we live the definition of insanity."
"I wrote it all out. I can read it or leave you alone while you read it."
"No, I want to hear it from you."
"Please do me a small favor, don't interrupt me ok? This is the most open I have ever been I'm actually nervous right now."
"Nervous? When's the last time that happened?"
"Just promise. Comment and critique all you want when I'm done but let me get this out."
"Cross my heart, I'll stay quiet."
"I thought it would take me forever, then, I thought I was going to run out paper before I was finished. This will be jumbled, I wrote whatever thought popped into my head. If I went back to rewrite it I would end up wussing out. So here we go.
Your eyes have always been my favorite part about you. I know I joke around that its your tits and ass, but it's your eyes. They smile before your lips do, they glisten before your tears fall and they have always been the only way I can know without a doubt what you are thinking. When you're afraid, happy, sad, unsure. Your eyes have always been a mirror to your heart. And that is one of the things I love about you.
You are more kind and considerate and caring than anyone else I have ever met. I watch you, when you think you're alone, I notice all the small things you do for me. The notes you used to put in my lunch box but stopped because you thought I was throwing them away.
You don't see things like normal people do. It was one of the first things that made me fall in love with you. But in the beginning, hearing your point of view on normal every day boring shit was like seeing for the first time in my life. When I would bitch about the birds singing at the ass crack of dawn, you reminded me it was their way to wake their babies. The snow plow in the winter, you told me it meant someone was able to feed their family that day. When I complained about traffic on our trips out of town, you used to take my hand and reiterate that it meant there were more people trying to make memories.
When I decided to quit my job, you held me up when I felt like a failure. When you started new hobbies, you made me see it was okay to try something new, even if it didn't work out the first time.
Sometimes you tell me things because it's what you think I want to hear. We both know that often what you say to me is bullshit, thats what we do with each other. Over the last ten years we have fallen into this routine where we meet the bare minimum with each other. I feel like we have been reduced to the minimum amount of I love you's, fewer and fewer hugs and kisses. Hand holding is a thing of the past. Unless you need help up. When we first started dating, we barely came up for air. Constant touches, small pecks here and there, gentle inconspicuous touches. A part of me was always connected to a part of you.
I think a big part of the has to do with the level of comfort we started feeling. It was so new and exciting in the beginning. You laughing was the highlight of my day. Hearing your voice, whether you were talking about work or the dog you saw or your hopes and dreams. Everything that came out of your mouth was equally as important as the thing before it. But the longer we stayed together, the more boring we got. Never coming up with new date ideas, the same restaurant, the same sex positions, the same music. We stopped growing and changing and our love became boring.
It got old.
So we fight now, for something to do. We spend less time together and way more time apart so that we can feel some of the excitement we had in the beginning.
But you're right, we can't do it anymore. I sat and I thought long and hard after you walked out yesterday. The only conclusion I came to was that we weren't right for each other. Not anymore at least."
"Wait, what are you saying?"
"Don't cry, babe, this is what you wanted."
"Yeah, but you weren't supposed to agree with me. You were supposed to fight for us."
"Why? You stopped fighting for us a long time ago. It just took me longer to see it."
"No, I refuse to let you do this."
"I'm not doing anything but agreeing with you. For once, in God knows how long, I agree with you."
"I don't want you to agree with me, not right now. Not with this. You are supposed to love me. All of me. Forever. Just like I love all of you. Even when you are a pain in my ass."
"It's not that I don't love you anymore, it's just that it doesn't feel like enough."
"But it is! Trust me, it's more than enough. And all of those things you mentioned. You're right. But we can fix them. I know we can. We've gotten through so much already, we can get through this."
"I don't know. You were so sure yesterday that it wouldn't work anymore."
"Well, I'm an asshole. What do I know?"
"Hey, you don't get to talk shit about my wife like that."
"Huh? But you -- you just said you agreed and we should get divorced."
"I know I did. But dammit, look at the reaction I got out of you. For the first time in forever you gave me more emotion in the last thirty seconds than I've seen from you all month!"
"You jerk! You did this on purpose?"
"Yeah, I did, but look at us now. Actually touching and it's not just to pass a cell phone to each other."
"Holy shit you're right! Kiss me again and tell me you love me."
"Sweetheart, listen to me, please just for another minute. Our love may have gotten old. It did, there is no denying that. But it's something that can be fixed. Now that we both know we want to fix it. Besides, love can get old, but it can never die."
"I love you, so much. So much more than I even realized."
"I love you, too. Forever."
"And always."
