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i know i
should crumble
for better reasons
but have you seen
that boy he brings
the sun to its
knees every
night
- RK
Despite the high volume and constant bass - thankfully drowning out the dead-end conversations I was subjected to inside previously - I was only mildly aware of the mundane, repetitive, dance beat echoing from inside. It was just background noise to me. Instead, my focus was on the view in front of me as I leant against the balcony, breathing in the familiar bitterness of cold air and the distinctive, city smells from below.
The unapologetically brazen lights and noise radiating from said city seemed a whole lot more fascinating to me. I had missed it all immensely. The sky was a canvas of various dark shades, and the illuminating headlights from the cars below and buildings above only added to the beauty of it all; the finishing touches to a painting. The cool autumnal breeze urged me to close my eyes, block out the unnecessary noise and activity from inside and simply appreciate the lack-thereof outside.
To anyone else, would've sounded crazy for sure. I'd spent six years in one of the most picturesque places in the world, yet London – grubby, loud, mild at the best of times, scruffy London - was my salvation.
I had missed my friends at first. The few that had managed to stay in touch for a while anyway. But the people inside were not my friends. They were barely acquaintances. Only a couple of them I had actually recognised from school so many years ago, whilst the rest were people Rosa had obviously grown up with.
I appreciated the effort she was making, I really did. And I did try to befriend and appease these people, politely smiling and laughing when pretending to understand their monotonous jokes and bitchy humour. At one point I'd attempted to follow some of the gossip they'd repeatedly spewed out, causing a few of the girls to break into fits of giggles, stood staring at me in pure disbelief that I'd had no idea who Kyle Bennett was and who he'd been sleeping with.
How could I have a conversation with any of these people if they didn't even know my name? Half of them hadn't even cared to listen when Rosa introduced me, whilst the rest barely bothered to make eye contact. I was certain that at least 97% of these people had no idea that this party was actually originally intended for me. To them it was just another excuse for a piss-up and an opportunity to expel all the built up teenage angst and hormones. And as Rosa was nowhere to be found – the only person I could really talk to and enjoy being home with – that resulted in my surrender to the balcony.
