Absolutely Nothing

In the Dark

As I sit in the dark
I am alone,
away from everyone,
but the one I want most to get away from.

As I sit in the dark
I think about life.
I think about the first time I cried myself to sleep,
about the first time I took a test and didn't care what I got.
About the first time I walked down the hallway and realized I didn't care anymore.
About when I left everything I have ever known.
About the first time I wanted to hurt myself.
About the first time I realized how much I hated myself.
About the first time I learned about my past.
About all the times I had been lied to,
and all the times I lied,
saying I was fine when I was the complete opposite.
About self harming for first time.
About the first time I grabbed a razor and slid it across my skin,
lightly at first,
then harder.

As I sit alone in the dark
I think about how much I want to give up,
and how much I don't want to live.