The Girl Who Lived in a World of Unrequited Love

I don't know what to do

February 21st, 2017
3:02 pm
Tuesday

I don't know what to do. I really don't. I promised myself I wouldn't cry again, but I can't help myself. I'm helpless. I'm drowning. Why won't anyone save me. I can't stop my own mind. Am I meant to be alone? As much as I say I'm fine with darkness, I just want to see light, just a little light. I thought I had it under control. I thought I had packed it away finally. But it keeps coming back. I once told a man about it, everything. He told me that sometimes the best people suffer the most, and that there is a reason for it. It's been 4 years, and no reason has come. Music is the only thing I hear now. I can't even hear my own mind. It's all just sounds. Like fuzz on a radio. Why can't he just stop it for me. God why do you let this happen? I don't understand. I just want to understand. Am I meant to live the rest of my days out like this? I keep yelling but no one hears me. I keep asking but no one answers. I'm not strong enough to handle this. What's wrong with me? Why do I keep feeling this? I'm around so many people but I'm so alone. I'm so afraid to feel happy. I fear that when I let go and feel that happiness, it will all crash and burn and I'll be left looking like a fool. I don't want to be a fool. I want to feel something real. I'm so tierd. I don't know what I will do if this lasts for my whole life. I thought God sent someone. I thought this person was the one. The one to stop the pain. But again, I am left looking stupid. If not this person, then who? Who? Why won't God answer me? I just want an answer. Please...I don't think I can hold on for much longer...