Nanny Wanted

GLA-LAX

I cannot believe I am sitting here getting ready to go on a plane heading to California to start a whole new life!

I've spent the last week closing up my flat and securing it, putting my car in to storage, shopping for new clothes for the warmer weather and freaking out about the lack of formalities to do with my new job. I followed my to do list ticking off everything as I went and double if not triple checked everything was packed.

I don't know wether to be depressed or impressed that everything I own of value managed to fit into three large suitcases? I decide to be impressed rather than focusing on the patheticness  of my possessions. My small hand luggage holds all my gadgets and my guitar is strapped to my back and I am currently trying to calm my racing heart as I head to the plane for LAX.

What am I doing? What if they don't like me? What if this is all a hoax? What if I hate them?

Shaking my head I try to drown out my negative thoughts with my headphones while I stand in line heading down the ramp to the door. I try to think about how this is what I need and want and the opportunities I have at my finger tips by taking this leap are unreal. If it all goes Pete tong then I haven't lost anything and I will just need to come back here and go back to what I already have but maybe I should try and focus on it being a good thing.

Walking on to the plane I am greeted by the steward "Good Morning Miss. Can I see your ticket?" I pull out my earbuds and get it out of my back pocket and pass it to her. She smiles brightly at me and I go to head down the aisle as she seemed busy. "Miss?" I hear as I head away and turn back. "Your just this way" she tells me pulling a curtain back. I notice other passengers looking at me as they come on and blush heading back towards her. I follow her past the curtain and I'm shown into the first class section and over to an individual pod. I smile at her when she leaves and stow my bag in the compartment at the side of my chair and my guitar in the overhead locker.

I've traveled first class before but never had these amazing bed and pods. I fiddle around the with TV and chair getting how I want it and try to take deep breaths to keep myself in control and keep reminding myself that I have nothing to loose. The only thing here who isn't even really here is my Dad. I had withdrawn a large amount of money from my account- nearly half of my funds- and have it stashed away in my bag to transfer into an account over there. I didn't want my dad to be able to track me with me using the account and although money will still be transferred into it I decided to keep it that way in case of emergencies. Plus any money I use will be replaced by my wages I hope. The only thing I hadn't thought through was my dads possible reaction.

We haven't really had a relationship since my mum died and when it had just happened he was numb and didn't talk to me or do anything but when the anger came mixed with his drinking I use to have to hide from him and when I wasn't quick enough or when he found where I was he use to take it out on me. I use to blame myself and excuse his behaviour telling myself it was his grief and although the beatings lessened as I grew older and he threw himself into his work more they would still happen and I know now that it's no okay for your dad to do that to you.

Deciding the best I could hope for was for him not to report me missing I take out my phone and send a text to him,

Dad: I have accepted a job and have moved away for it. I will be in touch to check in but I think I need this time to find myself after everything that has happened. I hope you can understand. I am fine and will be safe. N x

I didn't really know what to say to him but felt that I couldn't put my true feelings down about how I would rather slip into the night and never be in contact with him again but hopefully this would be acceptable. I took the SIM card out my phone and put it in my bag again and decided I would flush it when I go to the toilet next. I didn't need my Scottish number anyway as I would soon be changing it and the only person who contacted me was dad so no loss there. I had already texted Russell that I was on the flight and have the details and had contact information written down so I didn't even need it for that either.