hello internet, my name is dan and today, i am going to roast myself with a diss track. - fuck i just hit myself in the fa- okay, let's- let's do this!!!
a month without uploading he comes back with a tag, that no one even tagged him in he's not a challenge to drag, so prepare for an attack and by that i mean cringe, 'cause this motherfucker's 'bout to get dragged by his fringe.
first things first, you're freakishly tall, it's weird you look like a noodle. you've got hair that was cool in 2007, but wet you just look like a poodle. throw in a really annoying posh voice and- yup that's dan!! you're what would happen if winnie the pooh fucked slenderman.
you procrastinate making videos, 'cause be judged it scary! you're so close to being forgotten, the hate's imaginary. the only reason you get views is 'cause you're another white guy that people ship with his friend, 'cause they think it's kawaii!!!
oh?
reasons why dan's a fail!!
i'll give you some,
you never tweet, you overeat, all you do is cry and sleep, your jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality, your family's sad you flopped your law degree at university and anything embarrassing that's from your past you just delete.
you were a vegan for like three weeks, then what, you missed the meat? wow i'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity. you try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic, but can't make toast without tumblr saying you're problematic.
i could go on, there's more if i check. there's more things in this list than chins on your neck! on your birthday, you joked you were a quarter way to death. a hundred - yeah, when getting out of bed makes you out of breath.
so your celebrity crush was j-law, but now it's evan p? what the fuck even is your sexuality? it's hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry. i think it's just to hide that you're secretly a furry.
i was joking - obviously.
okay, that went deep. repress it? yup! before i start crying, let's wrap this shit up.
i'm going to go and masturbate, then cry into a slice of pizza. shoutout to the other youtuber; especially ryan higa.
a cringe compilation, mixed with cultural appropriation, met with no depreciation: it's the youtube nation.
click subscribe! if you wanna watch four videos a year. to see my last one (from ten years ago) just click over here.
so comment with your reaction - you can call me a liar, but you just witnessed the roast of danisnotonfire.
