Jay Byrne and Rocco Byrne (born at 32 weeks)
In April 2007, I was 32 weeks pregnant, and my husband Nicky and I had just come home from a few weeks travelling on the road with the Irish band Westlife. It had not been the most comfortable of times, being pregnant with twins on a tour bus, attending concerts, etc. I was happy and relieved when we got back home to Dublin, thinking we had at least a couple of weeks to get ready. At last I was able to put my feet up and prepare for the exciting arrival of our precious baby boys.
Soon after we settled in back home we went to visit my husband Nicky’s parents; I remember it was a Wednesday. While we were there, they presented us with two adorable carrycots. We were so excited, and later that night, when we got home, we placed the carrycots in the twins’ room with the scan photos in each one, imagining how things would be on their arrival.
Looking back on that day, I can clearly remember going to bed that night, thinking perhaps something was about to begin a wee bit too early. That next morning, we dashed into the NMH in Dublin, where I discovered I was going into premature labour. In the early hours of Friday, 20 April, the boys were delivered by emergency Caesarean section, eight weeks prematurely. And so began our journey into the world of precious premature babies.
While we were so very grateful and ecstatic that we had two healthy and perfectly well babies, we were at the same time filled with worry and concern as they were so small. Later on that night, a little weary and upset after the delivery, we were brought up to the NICU to meet our little boys. They were just so beautiful and perfect, but ever so tiny. One of the boys weighed 1.28 kg (2 lb 13 oz) and the other one weighed 1.64 kg (3 lb 10 oz). We were very lucky to be able to have kangaroo care with our babies that night and really treasure those first early moments with the boys.
It was heartbreaking when it was time to put our babies back into their incubators and leave them for the night. For seven months of my pregnancy they had been with me all the time, and I found the separation very hard. I could hear other mothers together with their babies through the corridors of the hospital. However, I quickly established a routine and looked forward to every visit and feed with my boys. There were times when it was very difficult, for instance when we heard our babies crying or looking distressed or when they pulled out their feeding tubes. This was very worrying, as we just desperately wanted them to get enough of a feed in order to gain sufficient weight so they could come home.
The nurses kept in close contact with us to ensure that we were present for feeds, nappy changes, cuddles and baths, and I still felt close to the babies while I was in the hospital. However, when my stay in hospital was up and it was time to be discharged, we were devastated. It was a very emotional time, and this was exacerbated by my pregnancy hormones going crazy. Being separated from our babies was so difficult. I felt guilty every time I thought of them all alone in hospital in their incubators. Throughout the pregnancy they were in the womb, cosy together, and now I could not even cuddle or hold them.
Looking back, it’s difficult to explain when it seems such a short space of time to be parted, but for parents of newborn infants it’s hard to contemplate leaving your newborn babies to one side never mind leaving them in hospital. We headed home, not knowing how long it would be before they would be home with us. I tried to focus on the positive feedback from the hospital staff who were constantly reassuring us of how well and healthy our two little men were and that they were thriving each step of the way. The amazing teams in the NICUs around the country work tirelessly for so many premature babies, some of whom are far more unwell than our boys. They are amazing, and we will be forever grateful that our two boys received this amazing start in life.
The pain of being unable to hold the boys from the moment they were born, that instant separation, was incredibly difficult and left me feeling so lonely without them. I got to take one baby home whilst having to leave his twin in hospital, an occasion tinged with both sadness and guilt. All I wanted to do was stay at home and snuggle and feed them together. Taking premature babies home from hospital is not without its complications. Understandably, as a new parent I was dying to show off my new arrivals, but that sometimes had to take a back seat in favour of the constant follow-up appointments for eyes, ears, heart, etc., as well as many more developmental check-ups down the line. Those first weeks are fraught with worry and are just so very busy. Every car journey is a nerve-wracking one for a new parent as premature babies are almost too small to fit into their huge car seats. After three very long and emotional weeks we finally got to take both our boys home. Four years later we are blessed to have two wonderful healthy boys.
