Steve Rogers || Don't Let Me Go

*Edited*

(A/N) y/n = your name

WARNING may be triggering. Please don't read if you're sensitive to these types of stories.

*Y/N 'S POV*

I can't do it, I can't hold on anymore. All day I shuffle around the corridor and see happy, smiling people. How can they be so positive? Don't they know how truly messed up life is? How messed up people are? How messed up I am?

Everywhere I look I see someone talking to a friend, or are at least walking around with a purpose, while I'm slipping around in the shadows going unnoticed.

"I'm not important," I mummble to myself, "no one would care if I just dissapeared. In fact, I would be doing the world a favour."

*Time Skip brought to you by my laziness *

I take my apartment keys out of my pocket, muffeling the clanging as I do so. I unlock my door and lay the keys in the bowl on my coffee table. I slouch against the door, dropping my work jacket in the process. I glance down and stare at the emblem on my jacket sleeve, signifying that I work at an organization called S.H.I.E.L.D. . Sighing, I pushed off the door and made my way to the restroom, locking the door behind me.

"Your life used to be a fairy tale when you we're younger, " I told myself, staring into the glass wall in front of me, my mirror, " then you just had to go and ruin it didn't you? You used to be a happy, go lucky person. Now look at yourself, covered in rolls of fat, chubby, chunky, sagging skin, you're disgusting. Steve must really have to love you to put up with all of your flab."

I looked down at myself in the mirror, scoffing as I poke my abdomen. Steve is probably only staying with me out of pity. I mean who could love the dark circles under my eyes, or the way that I would drift off into space, not even meaning to.

"Maybe I should end it? " I whisper as my arm shakely reaches out to the mirror's cupboard. *(A/N) you know those mirrors that fold open and there's shelves behind, that's what I'm thinking of* "Nobody would care if I did, everyone hates me, but I can't blame them I hate myself too. "

I bring out a bottle of anti-depressants, opening the cap. My mind drifting away to memories of Steve as I ponder what I was about to do. While I am thinking my hand seems to have a mind of it's own because it starts sliding across the smooth surface of the counter top, and over the edge, pulling out my razorblade. Cutting a single line across my wrist and over the previous red, jarred slashes, I give in to my thoughts.

"He won't miss you, " a voice in the depths of my cerebrum remarks condescendingly, "trust me, nobody would."

I take a sharp intake of breath before walking out of the bathroom. I enter the kitchen and grasp a glass snifter, filling it with water. Dragging my feet, I slowly crept along back to the loo.

"Even if I am killing myself, " I gruffly whisper, "I'm going down parched."

I lower my glass, and pull out my phone. Scrolling through my contacts, which isn't many, I find Steve's name and click on 'message'. By now my hands are trembling so terribly I have to rewrite the same sentence several times.

Y/n : Hey, Steve, I just want to let you know that I love you

Y/n : ...and that I'm sorry for anything that happens in the future

Y/n : sorry to have bothered you for so long, but don't worry I won't be a nuisance to you much longer.

Muting my phone, I set it to the side and drew the snifter towards me along with the uncapped bottle. Slowing my now rapid breaths, I pour out the bottle's contents and relish in the irony of the present moment.

"They thought this would help save me, " I state to no one in particular, "funny how it's actually the thing that's going to kill me."

Water in one hand and pills in the other, I smile. It was a cracked and painful smile. My mask finally breaking along with the dam of emotions that I had worked endlessly on. Taking a sip of water I bring the pills to my lips, and with a single tear falling down my cheek I open my mouth.

*STEVE'S POV* * (A/N) you're welcome *

I was sitting in my truck, just outside Y/N and I's apartment, flipping through pages of paper work that Tony refuses to acknowledge when my phone buzzes. I pat my front and back pockets looking for it, but my efforts are proved futile when I came up empty. I scrounge through all the parchment, when, out of the corner of my eye, I see it sitting in the passenger seat.

Snatching my phone from the faded leather, I look and see two new messages. When I open and read them, I'm confused.

Y/n : Hey, Steve, I just want to let you know that I love you

Y/n : ...and that I'm sorry for anything that happens in the future

What did she mean by, "in the future, " was she breaking up with me? I felt my heart plummet to the concrete as I open my door. Did I do something wrong? Slipping out of my hand, my phone vibrates once again signaling I have a new message.

I look down at my now slightly scratched screen to see another message from y/n.

Y/n : sorry to have bothered you for so long, but don't worry I won't be a nuisance to you much longer.

By now I understood enough to know that she was doing something dreadful. Ditching my phone in the vehicle, I sprint off into the building, people yelling at me all the way to her door. I jiggle the doorknob only to find out that it is locked. Letting out a groan of rage, I kick down the door, not finding time to waste on keys. As I charge into the room I trip over her S.H.I.E.L.D. jacket. I throw it off to the side and burst into her bedroom only to find it empty. Next I look in my bedroom to, once again, find it empty. I walk out into the hallway thinking the worst when I see the bathroom door cracked open.

I just about fly into that bathroom, only to see something that makes my stomache lurch.

Y/n with pills in her hand on the verge of dropping them into her mouth.

"Y/n, doll, please don't do it. Please."

She didn't put the pills down, but she didn't swallow them either, what she did do was start shaking uncontrollably. Slowly, so I don't startle her, I grab the pills out of her hand and slide them into my jacket pocket. Once the pills are safely out of sight, I wrap her into a hug and pull her onto my lap. Only now that I have my arms rapped around her do I notice how boney she is, she's frighteningly skeletal.

Stroking her hair I coo into her ear, " baby girl, please don't do this again, you nearly gave me a heart attack. You know I love you, right?"

I didn't get a response, but I knew she heard because her shaking slowes slightly and all I can hear was muffled, strangeled sobs.

It was silent for a while until I hear her small, broken voice plea, "please don't let me go."

"I never will, " I reassure her, "I never will."

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A/N

Hey thank you SO much for reading my first ever story!! Please comment if you find any mistakes and I will fix them as soon as I can. Thanks, bye!

*LunaSpectrespecs*